RSSWomen…Wonder
Waiting impatiently for the monotonous meeting to end so I could get to my classroom and greet my students, my male boss responded to a comment made by our school coach who is also male. He said, “When working with a group of women, you have to expect these things. This is just the way they are.” What? How could he have said that? If it wasn’t for the women, our school would not be operating and it wouldn’t have the highly respectable reputation that it has…
I couldn’t say anything though, as the words would not come out of my mouth. Instead, I quietly stood up and excused myself. Feeling a little distraught as I was walking to my classroom, those negative feelings quickly changed as soon as my kids starting coming in and the ignorance that I had just witnessed became unimportant.
It wasn’t more than an hour after the incident when my boss walked into my classroom to apologize about what had happened and tried to explain that it was only a “joke.” As if I expected the same man who had just made an ignorant comment to actually own up to what he said and genuinely apologize to me. I didn’t have the time nor did I want to waste another minute dealing with this so I smiled and said, “Oh, I guess it didn’t seem like a joke to me so maybe I just took it the wrong way,” and ended the conversation there.
Later that day, as I remembered what had happened that morning, I smiled to myself and realized that the negative feelings I was holding were only hurting me, so I brushed it off and toughened up. After all, I had a lot to look forward to; my school was hosting an open forum with education administrators the following day and I was really excited.
Having done research on the varying administrative positions, I was ready to hear the experiences of professionals that I had and still have a lot of respect for. Walking into UHall 2100, I couldn’t help but realize that I was the only woman there in a group of about 30-35 people. Was I in the right place? Should I walk out? No, I told myself and sat down in a chair, eager to see what was going to happen next.
The opening speaker was a crisis leader from Centinela Valley District who proposed that the group go around and introduce themselves with a little bit of background information. “My name is Diana and I’m a graduate student here at LMU studying to be a counselor. The reason I am here tonight is because I plan on entering a doctorate program to eventually become a superintendent of a district and I thought this would be a great experience.”
“Wow, we have a very ambitious young lady in our group, don’t we?” It had happened again. More than once in the past two days, I was being put down and judged because of my gender. The forum went on for two hours and I heard some of the most motivational and powerful ideas by some very amazing speakers. To the best of my ability and education, I also engaged in some conversations and minor debates until the forum came to an end.
It was an incredible experience that only reconfirmed that this was truly my calling and one also where I had risen above peoples perceptions of women.
Still, I felt disheartened and for the first time in my life, I felt disadvantaged. I’ve heard women talk about this phenomenon before, but always felt that it was simply their imagination. I wanted to vent so I walked by the office of one of my female professors and fortunately she was available. It wasn’t my imagination after all. She told me stories and shared her own experiences and the sad reality of is that a man with a degree is more valuable than his female counterpart who has the same degree or in some cases a higher degree. She talked about the salary differences between male and female professors that have Ph.Ds.
On my way home that night, I found myself questioning so much. Are we as women responsible for the way that we are perceived in the professional world? If all men and women are created equal than why had I experienced those things in the past two days? Why are men considered to be more valuable and efficient in their careers? Why was I even having these feelings knowing that I am very capable and equally ambitious to make a change in our unjust education system?
Ladies, I want to hear some of your stories and experiences and men maybe you have a better understating of this phenomenon.
6 Comments, Comment or Ping
Dutchess
I have gone through similar experiences, and it does cause questions, but it has to stop there. Woman are strong, independent, and hard workers. Being a strong woman myself those moments cannot stop you, they are simply what you said- ignorant comments. Your voice here is going to help that ignorance. My mom has just received a job level increase in administration for about 7 elementary and high schools in a district, and as she would say “has entered the power circle”. She and five men are in control of this school district, and as tough as it may be she told me she is happy to finally bring a woman’s perspective into the administration of the schools. No woman has ever been, in their school district. She said that woman add different elements that men do not see sometimes. I am proud of her, and her status in the power circle, I wonder how the men feel…?
[Reply]
*SB*
Im sorry that happened to you…those incidents happen to me too…I work in public policy and although it is full of strong-minded and brilliant women..the men seem to be the head haunchos…
it makes me think back to sitting in on one of my friends women studies classes…the prof. told us that although society makes it seem that women are now equals- we are not! We have barely scratched the surface of what men recieve in terms of pay, acknowledgement, respect, etc… that same professor told us that true equality for women- is not when women can obtain the same as the man but when we can surpass them…i thought that was a bold statement but in retrospect- its tru…we cannot rely on men to establish the parameters of success…we have to jump in, struggle and fight to make our own records…
I think this momentum has fueled Hilary’s campaign…as women we still struggle to break the mold that was created by men…
I try to use those incidents to fuel my ambition and drive….
[Reply]
"a mom"
This happens across the board. Even in my church. The women are the biggest supporter of the church but somehow the men are totally incharge and when the women try to step out of the box. The pastor tells them what their place is in the church. I think a lot of this is because of how our society has raised us. Meaning we have abapted to the way men have dictated our places in this society. Strong women who move up the ladder are considered out of place. But as it does still hurt us as women that these things have not changed as much as they should, most of the strong women know that as women we have had to be strong even though it’s been hard for us a longtime. I have respect for those women. They are the real leaders.
[Reply]
troublsome
I think indirectly it is a pride issue for men. I think that our society has brainwashed us to believe that women are always supposed to be beneath us. This weekend I was conversation with some lawyers and, they were all well established in their careers, and set in life. They all shared similar characteristic when it came to: age, gender, social class, and the thing that caught my attention their relationship status. “They were all single” It made you, wonder, because it is not as if they were some loser type girls, or even bad looking. One thing that I also noticed was that they all had chips on their shoulders, and were feminist with every ounce of blood in their bodies. I then questioned myself why these women are alone, considered the fact that the only thing that you would have to over come as their counter parts is their strong sense of independence and hard work. “But shit who said that as bad?”
Men all over the world always want to be superior to women in any circumstance. I personally have no problem with it! When a man feels like a woman knows more than he does, or that her income may top his, he may become very intimidated. I say, “Do your thing ladies”
Diana- I know that this is not directly hitting the nail on the head, to what you wrote about. But I hope it gives a better understanding to some men’s point of views… Truth of the situation is Women are important assets in almost everything that we do.Unfortunately we live in a man’s world…
[Reply]
Q.
man, i was really hoping that this post would have gotten more attention.. this is a very good topic, and i hope it resurrects at some point..
[Reply]
Broken Silence
Diana, I have also experienced this same issue at my place of employment. I’m a Quality Assurance Engineer who started out in the Content Department. I’ve been called ‘The Content Girl’ more times than I can count. The company that I work for, women especially black women are the minority. I’ve had numerious instances with the males there that talk to you like you’re on a 3rd grade level, brush you off, and they avoid eye contact. Also, when I started working there I was the 2nd black female there and since the other black female (great friend of mine) speaks very proper, I was automatically labeled ghetto and I’m the furthest thing from being ghetto.
Diana, I’ve learned that you have to let ignorant people be ignorant all by themselves and you keep pressing higher. You are not here to win their approval.
A great friend of mine that I work with has told me that her Ex-Supervisor (white male) has told her that she already have 3 strikes against her… Being that she is Young, Black, and Educated.
[Reply]
Reply to “Women…Wonder”
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