The New Romance

Written by: SB

In today’s modern world, do the flowers and candy still work to impress your partner? Or has romance changed?

I hear from guy friends that it’s hard to be romantic and not be considered corny by today’s independent woman.

Women have transformed their roles within society; from the multi-tasking housewife into the multi-tasking, wife, mother, mentor, CEO, lawyer or whatever. So have women’s perception of romance changed since our characters have evolved?

I mean the last time I checked jewelry is always a romantic gesture and never considered corny…LOL, but romance does’nt always require emptying your pockets…massages, love letters/emails, etc- those are forms of romance…are they not?

I can’t speak for all the ladies…but I appreciate everything from the opening of doors, the long walks, the snuggling, the cooking together, the long talks at night, to the lavish dinners and nights out on the town.

I believe every woman could use some romance in her life regardless of her position or status but maybe it is the kind of romance that’s transforming. Since the modern woman is able to do more for herself maybe we are not as easily impressed- maybe we are looking for some more creativity and spontaneity…

The flip-side:

Then I hear from women friends, that men have gotten lazy and are jerks. Too preoccupied with what they will get in return instead of genuinely wanting to show a girl a good time.

I cant front…I have recently had to deal with this one too…some men will be the most romantic person you ever met but only to ensure what they want in the end…some ass!!! I hate the pre-sex romancers, who have women thinking they caught a good one but wanted nothing more than a F&$% buddy…keep it real…you don’t have to lie to kick it!!!

Much love to all the men who are truly romantic at heart for their women!!!

What I found interesting in these conversations, is that romance, is considered a feminine need. Do men really not want or need romance? Or is it a stereotype?

Men’s roles within society have evolved as well. You will hear and see more stay-at-home dads…so has their appetite for romance changed as well. I believe that a man wouldn’t mind getting swept off his feet by a woman…They could appreciate the extra effort put in to impress them…but maybe I’m wrong…maybe men are little more simplistic in their relationship needs

So what is modern romance? because I refuse to believe women have outgrown it and that men don’t need it!!

Tags: Culture, Women | Mar 7, 2008 |

38 Comments, Comment or Ping

boosy

Being a cultured black man and African royalty- the thug “strong-arming’ of women has never been my definition of “being a man” or romantic.

My last lover thought i was a “push-over” like the different characteristics of men that they showed on one of those wack VH1 shows.

I like long walks, spooning and watching a movie. Going on weekend trips to Paris for crepes…i guess all she wanted was some Mcdonlads a blunt and a 40.

I laughed, until as our relationship progressed i realized that it wasn’t me.

I would tell her sincerely how i felt, but it sounded corny b/c that shit was real..

Sadly i had to let her go, she might be hitting a club near you, so if you want to keep her, make sure you approach her like you see rap niggas holla at chicks.

–The club last night–

“hey , you! COme here, shorty, Come heeere.. ”

So Uber wack…

Apparently thats what’s good in the hood……Duke Boosy ~Sir Bougie Black…

[Reply]
Malia

BOOSY—–

Everytime I’m ready to give up on you…..you write something charming and sincere like this post and redeem yourself in my eyes. While the whole blunt and 40 ounce scenario had me cracking up, I do understand where you are coming from….. (let me stop giving you compliments before you say something to make me regret it) *wink*

BS————-

This is good stuff!!!! I think men are afraid of being labled whipped, or a push-over or corny, but I definitely think they have the desire to be loving and sweet and romantic. Romance means different things to different people. Filling up the gas tank is romantic. Calling me to see how my day is going is romantic. Picking up a new CD because you know he’s one of my favorite artists is romantic.

I am the ultimate romantic! It just come out of my pores. Sometimes I use really over the top and expensive gestures like this $350 watch I bought my ex-lover from Bullova with real diamonds (……..now the thought of that nicca holding another woman in his arms with my shit on his wrist makes me nauseous!!!! NOTE TO SELF: never buy expensive gifts for any man except my husband)

Everything about romance doesn’t have to be expensive though. Romance is personal. To be romantic, you must be personal and do personal kinds of things. It’s sort of romantic to buy a mooshy greeting card for your loved one, but to be really romantic, you should make it yourself. I made a birthday card with a poem I wrote especially for him, copyrighted and all…lol. (He probably threw that shit in drawer somewhere) Maybe your ex-lover and my ex-lover need to exchange numbers Boosy…..lol.

Last but damn sure not least ———Your TIME is romantic as hell……

One of the required ingredients of romance is your time. Nope, there’s no way out of it. This is the ultimate way of telling someone that they’re special to you, that you want to spend time with them, laugh with them, cry with them, confide in them, share your life with them. LOVE IS PRESENCE…….

I’m sayin…………

[Reply]
ChiCity Star

Even if you get all the essentials of romance right, a lack of style could still foul you up. I try to be as “suave” and “debonair” as I possibly can, as this is the optimum romantic style…… I try tobe as much like James Bond as I can, except for the infidelity, compulsive gambling, chain smoking, and killing people parts…lol.

[Reply]
Felicia

Shut up ChiCity!!!!!! Be elegant, humble, refined, independent, thoughtful, responsible, compassionate, spontaneous, reputable, graceful, polite, literate, entertaining, discreet, funny, upstanding, sensitive, fun, sophisticated, pleasant, selfless, reverent, and genuine.

And if you can’t, fake it.

And don’t overdo it.

Subtlety is essential.

If she doesn’t notice, you can always find an opportune moment to work a whispered pointer into the conversation, such as, “Notice how elegant, humble, refined, independent, thoughtful, responsible, compassionate, spontaneous, reputable, graceful, polite, literate, entertaining, discreet, funny, upstanding, sensitive, fun, sophisticated, pleasant, selfless, reverent, and genuine I am.”

[Reply]
Malia

Okay, both of yall are crazy!!!!

Show, don’t tell…..

Intimacy is good.

Intimacy —— IN TO ME ——- SEE…….

I want someone to see inside of me……

[Reply]
Viper Rogue

girl: where do you want to eat?
guy: where ever.

girl: want to watch a movie later tonight?
guy: whatever.

girl (annoyed): want to jump off a building?
guy: whatever.

now.. this is an excellent example of misinterpretation. believe it or not, this is guy is one of the most romantic guys ever, he just doesn’t come across that way. now, what he meant to say were:

guy: i’ll eat where ever you, the love of my life, eats. i care only you and whatever dish you like, i will love.

guy: you decide the course of my night tonight, my love.. whether it be entertained by moving pictures on the big screen or be captivated by your smile and laughter all night.

guy: if that is how i can prove my love to you, i’ll jump in a heartbeat. if my love for you is strong enough, i will walk back to you. if not, then i won’t be worthy of your love.

[Reply]
Brutha66

I don’t know what women like so I try to be different with each woman. My progress so far has taught me that women do not like nice guys cause they appear weak, the tough guy is an asshole, the funny guy can be too wierd at times or take nothing seriously! the shy guy is weak or unstable inside, the passionate guy is clingy, the romantic guy is pushing the relationship thing too hard, the geeky guy is only here to be made fun of and boost others self-esteem and ego, the smart guy thinks hes all that, the dumb guy is not smart enough, and the perfect guy doesn’t exist. I guess I’m assed out!!!!!

[Reply]
Alfred

For me, I really need to touched, cuddled and talked to in a gentle, and affectionate way. I need lots of romance. Even though I’m a man I need to be close to my wife as much as we can in a romantic/sensual way during the evenings just before going to bed. I need her to say that she loves me. Not that I don’t know that she does, but to hear that she loves me, and backs it with action means the world to me, and I do the same for her. To me cuddling under the bed covers as we’re drifting off to sleep will make the following day go sooo much better, and it puts a spring in my step too.

[Reply]
KEVIN DAVY

Yeah bro, you sound gay…….

[Reply]
*SB*

Kevin Davy…

Ouch…that hurts me to hear you say that…

I feel like its that exact attitude that prevents men from opening up…theres nothing gay about being romantic with your lover/wife…unless you meant gay in a happy sense….

[Reply]
sunshyne

Romance still works for me..hell send me flowers,open my doors, pull out my chair. My occupation is so harsh that i need a lil romancing from time
to time to pull me from my work mode which consumes so much of me..
but it works both ways…the mister is surprisingly romantic and needs
it as much as I need it.

[Reply]
DevaStaTing

I’m all about romance but mine isn’t in the form of buying me
jewels(unless its THE ring) or flowers or stuff like that. Anyone can
just run out and do that. I like my romance to be on the creative side
no matter how simple it is. the best gift I have ever received from my
guy was a Christmas card a few years back where in the inside he
actually wrote a letter to me and poured his heart out. That meant
more to me than any stupid flowers that will die.

[Reply]
Icy Mike

My experience, and only my experience, this doesn’t necessarily cast upon the entirety of women seeking men, women look for a man who is cool and unwavering in their emotions and then for some odd reason want romance out of their choice of a nonchalant badass.

If you want romance, settle with the wimpy guy. If you want to have the badass boyfriend, then don’t ask for romance. The badass guy is only gonna be asking for one thing: poon, ass, sex. The romantic guy is gonna just want to spend time with you and be affectionate as “gay” as that sounds.

Like all guys, just be happy you got someone to spend time with. Brutha66 is right on the money with this, women are too picky in general. There’s always something to be complaining about. If there’s something you don’t like, live with it, learn to live with it, because there’s probably a hell of a lot more good than there is bad. There is no perfect guy. The hot badass is gonna be a player look for sex. The dorky romantic guy is always gonna be geeky.

You think you know what you want, but who the hell knows what they ever want. If we always had what we wanted, we’d all end up having the spoiled-kid syndrome.

[Reply]
boosy

MALIA- MUUUUAh love you, thanks for the compliments *wink*

I love the whatever scenario that is too funyy…

Also i love how i can tell who the “older” people are, by their refusal to say the “N-word”..lol

Some girls do like different things, the scenario with all the different description of guys is societies definition…

You can definitely be the asshole and still be sweet….eeeh not really but you can try….

KEVIN DAVY…i know the comment mught have a lil , hate,hate,hate..but it was still funny…to me at least

[Reply]
"a mom"

No you don’t. You sound like you really love your wife. and the little things really matter to you. My son and his wife like to sing tunes to each other. They are very playful about their love. Marriage and long relationships take a lot of work and a great sense of humor. Even when your mad at that love one. Put a note under their pillow or in their coat pocket just to show you care. Doesn’t take much when you have real love.

[Reply]
Malia

Really DevaStaTing? Is this the Mamma’s boy you told me about?

[Reply]
DevaStaTing

Yeah that’s him.

On the flipside he doesn’t need romance. he says “romance showmance”.

[Reply]
mrschocolatestuff

same here.

just because gifts are the best. i never wait for birthday or christmas. if i see it, got the loot for it, i’ll get it, wrap it, box it and give it…

men want romance. they want to be wanted, they want to feel wanted— they want the affection just as much as women do… may not admit to it but let you slip up on the hugs and kisses, he’s gonna check you on it.

oh and i have to mention it doesnt always have to be monetary… i remember a while back that i mentioned that i hadn’t been to Coney Island since I was maybe 5 or 6… and one night he drove us there and gave me a promise ring with a very impressive speech…

[Reply]
LoverOfPeace

LOL—–yeah, they hate it when we slip on all the effection don’t they? Like big ol babies. It’s cute!

[Reply]
1313

I like this. I think people can only talk if they’re around people who are in “the game” …nawmean. =)

So…check this…
My homegirl, she’s a Post Bac, Pre-Med student who’s getting jocked by this one dude, who’s last relationship was in high-school. When we were conversing, you know… “talking talk”… I asked her, bottom line, “do you dig this dude the same way he digs you?” and “Do you think you ever will?” She thought about, and said “no not really…hahahaha.” And then we laughed.

Anyway, I was like… this guy isn’t at your speed. He’s a hopeless romantic who spit these exact words to her… “You’re my last chance at love… I’m in love with you, I think about you all the time.”

Whoa tiger… settle down there. That’s some shit you spit to a high-school sweet heart, or something. At the least to a lady who hasn’t been in it… but even then, that’s automatic shut-off mode.

Sorry to digress…the point of all this… his approach and his “game” was stale like old bread. His speed is high-school status…meaning all his moves are based on what worked back-in-the-day. Her speed is Independent Woman! Not a girl…but a Post Bac, Pre-Med, on the move, ready to go woman!

Romance evolves, but in order to be able to pull all the old-fashioned ways of courtship, first boys have to be men, and second they have tighten up their game.

For me though… I’m traditional in my fundamentals when it comes down to Romance. The foundation of it hasn’t changed, it’s the tools that you use to build that foundation is what have.

Anyway…Modern Romance, as Miss Author put it, is basically still the same traditional ways, but with a new twist.

[Reply]
TROUBLMan

I don’t give a damn what a girl thinks. I’m romantic because my mom taught me what it means to respect a woman.

The difference lies in what it means to be a girl and a woman. Girls takes romance for granted. Women love it. And remember the girl/woman distinction has nothing to do with age.

[Reply]
boosy

i’ll take a girl past mcdonalds to smell the fries..now that’s romantic….

[Reply]
Dutchess

If a woman thinks a man is corny for being romantic, then I think she is corny. If a man takes the time to be romantic and think of his Boo, then why wouldn’t the woman appreciate that and realize she has a special man in her life. If my man takes the time to think of me, I think it is sooooo wonderful, and nothing less.

[Reply]
Sleepyd

I think that flowers and candy do still impress your partner. I believe that a careful thought and consideration goes into getting the right flowers that your partner likes. I believe that it is the thought that counts when buying a gift for your partner.

[Reply]
"a mom"

BOOSY
You can alway bring a smile on! Now a nice clean Mcdonalds is the perfect romantic date, but don’t just walk past share a happy meal!

[Reply]
Talisman

Okay, hold up. First of all…

ChiCity & Felicia

He’s actually right. You gotta have some smoovness about you (notice the spelling - smooth won’t cut it with most women today). Also, I have yet! to meet a woman who doesn’t like a varying degree of arrogance about her prospect. Humble? Gets left at da door! Most women think humble is boring, “weak”, or both (I should know, most of my friends are female and seem to confess a lot of things to me they wouldn’t normally tell a guy).

Malia

You’re absolutely right, intimacy DOES require time; but have you noticed the men with the most time are not the men women usually go for? a man with a successful career usually has NO TIME but somehow, women (or men, this is the new age…) either don’t explain this thoroughly to prospective partners or they have a “pie in da sky” attitude about the whole thing regarding possible time spent, then when reality hits, shit goes down (everyone knows what I’m talkin’ bout…).

Troublman

I agree with you on the distinction.

My own experience? I’m a reasonably good looking guy with an aggressive personality, plus I’m an asshole (but in a good way according to my friends). This appeals to women, so I’m going to have to come down on the side that arrogant (just enough) assholes (also just enough) get play. Nice guys don’t because most women are looking for “something of the predator” about their men. Now, responding to the insecure men, I was raised hood and barely got out. College educated with two degrees and I take pride in being an Asshole & a Bastard by trade (and my friends still love me! lol). But I’m a romantic fool when it comes to my woman and I do love to cuddle. And, yes, I like romantic gestures. The first time a woman sent me flowers, is a fond memory I carry in my heart & soul.

[Reply]
troublsome

In my opinion, I think that romance has definitely changed. The flowers and candy have been substituted for Range Rovers and Chanel Bags. Especially in Los Angeles. Everyone is so superficial that it aint even funny. A large portion of the population imitates what they see on television and pretend to live a life, which they don’t…

With that being said woman for whatever reason are looking for the brotha that has the nice car, doesn’t even have to be that good looking anymore. He could be 200 lbs over weight it does not matter. Niggas like Rick Ross set the bar for Big Kat’s to feel comfortable with being that way ( I know yall seen his video with his shirt off) But the woman isn’t trippin he got money. In addition, I think that money and swagger substitutes for a lot of things, and in some cases romance.

I think that the romance is very important in a relationship, but has become secondary, and once two people in a relationship are passed where the grass is, green they realize that there is no romance. But by that point, it’s too late. Like my man, Talisman said nice people do not last too long. Their kindness is taken for weakness, and their passiveness is taken advantaged of.

Ancient cultures believed the human soul lived in the heart. I think that if we dig deep find what is in the heart, when those two souls connect the love is genuine and a constant flow of energy amongst the two individuals is wonderful and it makes romance a little easier. The hard is getting to that point.

I also believe that great sex is a lot of times mistaken for romance…

[Reply]
BIG Tone

I say just be yourself. If you like to massage feet and fix a bath for your girl do it. If you don’t like it don’t do. You need to be with someone that “WANTS”(wants not needs there is a difference) to be with you for who you are, and not all the romantic things you do. If you love her/him then the little things you do will be romantic without you even trying. I wouldn’t even put romance on the my top three things a relationship needs. Romance to me is leaving me alone to watch the game. Or better yet watch the game with me. Different strokes for different fokes.
GOOD LUCK!

[Reply]
Brutha66

Today’s woman is all about going out for a 100.00 meal

[Reply]
mrschocolatestuff

a real woman? nah because that type of female is golddigging. . she’s not a woman because she’s concerned about her financial being through HIS finances…

if a brother can get me a slice with a soda and we can sit down, watch the NY crazies outside, i’m cool with that… i never try to break a brother’s pockets because i’m not trying to get to know the paper, i’m trying to get to know him and what he’s about..

[Reply]
charles turk

Most women only want u too take them out in a fancy car too a high cost place too eat or club. all about the money. it is a shame. most of the women young ones and a lot of the the older ones

[Reply]
mrschocolatestuff

My point is.. try to identify a true woman from a female posing as a true woman. i true woman wouldn’t try to break your pockets even if you had the money

[Reply]
charles turk

So many women try to quiz u about ur job to decide if they want to talk.when i was in the police dept i use to lie and say i wk for the trash dept .and see then.

[Reply]
Terrance L.

A major problem for women is the ability to be “independent” without pushing away or pissing on manhood.

[Reply]
Focused In DC

I got a good laugh out of this one. Simply put this is another example of how the so called modern woman has no idea what she really wants. While it seems the author kind of put the responsibilty of romance totally on the man I failed to see where it was stated women are still looking for flowers, candy and the like. Not to mention nine times out of ten when a man does come out with the bells and whistles women will tend to say, “oh he is sooo sweet but he’s not really my type.” Like I said women will say they want one thing and expect something totally different.

So when guys start to show no more romance ladies stop to ask the question…WHAT HAVE YOU DONE to deserve that knucklehead your with.

[Reply]
"a mom"

FOCUSED IN DC
I agree! We as women have to do our part. If you look at the way things are now. Women can be just as wrong as men. What do we really want or what do we project. It’s all a two way street.

[Reply]
Q.

i’m mad i missed this post.. but Kevin’s response was the funniest ish i’ve read in a LONG time.. that was some classic stuff right there.. no disrespect to Alfred, SB, Mom, or anyone else co-signing what Alfred said, but man, Kevin, i’m in tears after reading that response..

i really don’t think opening up makes you gay.. nor do i think “gay” like responses that are countered w/ witty responses like Kevin’s stops a man from voicing his emotions.. i think men are emotional, but we’re all across the board.. some, like Alfred, will pour out his emotions with some stuff that i can’t even dream of saying.. but that’s me.. i’m more of a “hold it in” type when it comes to saying all that mushy stuff.. i’m not above it, though, as i have.. i’m more the type to write the personal letter or go old school and make a slow jam tape.. i’ll let Jodeci sing my emotions out..

to answer one of SB’s questions, though, i think men are cool w/ being romanced by a woman, but we’re also cool without it, especially if our significant other is treating us well.. can she surprise me with a massage? hell yeah.. i’ll love every minute of it.. but if she didn’t give it to me, i wouldn’t think much of it.. personally, i spend more time trying to ensure that the relationship is strong and that we are on the same page than thinking about romance.. like TROUBLMan said, my momma taught me well, and i know that in my own way, i’m very romantic.. i’m just not trying to drift off to sleep under covers so tomorrow provides the sunshine and flowers to get me through my day..

i’m just sayin’..

[Reply]
ms 39ways of trouble

Being romantic is grown folks business and is for the mature minded only. Those who feel pressured to not get too mushy with thier mates are still dealing and succumbing to childish peer pressure and aren’t ready to claim thier feelings and express themselves accordingly. I love this woman, she makes me happy and I don’ care who knows it. What are you afraid of???? Keep listening to your homeboys and you will end up being with them, alone!

[Reply]

TROUBL

The New Romance

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