RSSSex For the Recently Single
When you separate from someone that was (and probably still is) near and dear to your heart what do you do to make yourself feel better?
We’ve all heard of the saying, “the fastest way to get over someone is to find someone else”…I hated the idea of replacing someone that was significant and exceptional in my life for someone that was attractive and could easily distract me, but the feedback I get from singles was that it’s true!!! Yes people…I’ve heard from males and females…young and old…across color lines that shacking up with someone new helps a newly single person move on…of course there were others that mentioned other productive ways like getting a hobby and taking warm baths but we’re talking about the fastest and most effective way…
What is about having sex that makes everything seem a little easier? It could be a physical thing…you release stress and have a new outlook on life afterward…or maybe it’s feeling sexy and wanted by someone new that makes you feel better about yourself…it boosts your self- worth maybe?
Is it the ultimate push or eye opener in realizing there is another world out there without the ex…Regardless, it something about the physical act that puts your emotions in check…
I’m not saying that finding a new booty will make you completely forget about a previous relationship or stop caring but it seems to help alleviate the hurting and constant speculation…why is that??
22 Comments, Comment or Ping
TROUBLMan
A physical act like sex does relieve some of the anxiety and uncertainty of being recently single. It helps substantiate your self-esteem, as you think to yourself, “I still got it.” We’re mammals and are raised by the physical care of other people, which makes sex a similar type of nurturing.
The only thing is what happens when its just sex. At this point you understand what a loving relationship feels like and simply having sex with someone doesn’t capture that feeling.
How do you replace the long talks at night? How do you replace the relationship you’ve built with their friends and family. How do you replace the secrets you shared together.
Sex is cool. It’s like starving and being able to eat for the first time in a long time. When you’re are starving it doesn’t really even matter what you eat as long as you put something in your body. But after you reestablish your health, putting anything in your body hurts you instead of helping you. This is when eating healthfully and loving in a relationship make sex obsolete.
[Reply]
Focused In DC
The act of sex IS cool but like the other reader implied all you are doing is simply relieving a physical want. It is not something that we NEED. Then what happens when you realize that the person you just “hooked up” with is not right for you? Puts you right back at square one with what you where more than likely really looking for with is companionship. So what do you do then? Continue your search or do you decide to look for something for meaningful?
To me sex can only be as good as the relationship. Relationship meaning that we actually spend time together and not just at midnight.
[Reply]
"a mom"
Yes maybe sex with another person after a break up can make you feel wanted or needed on the temporary. But it has nothing to do with the relationship that has ended with hurt and bad feelings. You can never capture that feeling again of a true love, even if you get into another relationship. There is less than a few chances in life to find true love, but when it becomes hurtful and you really need to more on. Take some time to be by yourself and heald. And think about it. What about the other person? The one you are using to fill that void after a break up. Maybe they’re a good loving person who may fall in love with you while you are just having them on the rebound. What about them? Do you misuse someone because you need sex. I don’t think that it’s fair and I have been in that situation. I was the rebound who started to care for someone who was just getting over a love and didn’t tell me. That was the person that I think I really fell for and I got hurt when his ex-love came back into his life a year and a half later. No it’s not worth what you do to the rebound even if it’s just sex.
[Reply]
Black-listed
Just do it! Hm-m-m-m; Crash & Burn! Hm-m-m-m; Take no prisoners! Hm-m-m; Some do some don’t, some will some won’t! Immediate solutions for a long standing or deep seated problem? The quick fix is just that, a quick fix! When the high wears off the staggering reality sets in. Is it any wonder how people get addicted and then jadded with this type of lifestyle? Of course, if a persons intent is to live their life without connection and committment; this would defy nature’s laws of comraderie and nuturing. Does that qualify as abnormal and self-destructive tendencies?
[Reply]
Tiffany
Sex is the PERFECT way to get over someone! When you’re with a boyfriend/girlfriend you feel like you’ve Finally found your match. ONLY that person will ever be able to stimulate you physically and mentally. Where has he or she been all your life???
Then you break up, only to feel worthless and hopeless for your future, after all, it took you this long to find him or her.
A new sex partner is an INSTANT IN-YOUR- FACE WAKEUP CALL that physical pleasure with another does exist. And if the physical can be replaced, of course the mental can too.
Unfortunately, more people are better skilled at sexin’ than being skilled in compatible conversation.
But just hold tight, and it’ll surely come in due time!
[Reply]
*SB*
Black-listed…
I dont think because someone is addicted to the constant thrill of hooking-up with someone new makes them abnormal but unless they strap-up and use protection than it can be self-destructive…
Its all on what they want…dont hook-up with every fine thing in your site expecting to fall in love…but if your just in it for the kicks then who has the right to hold you back from enjoying your life…
[Reply]
"a mom"
Enjoying at the expense of others. Well than you have to think about the fatal attractions after that. Sometimes you are looking for that fix after a break up but that other person. Well you know what I mean. The physical pleasure can be DEAD……………………………..LY.
[Reply]
Niggas R Us
Sex is sex if you got an itch scratch it but dont us it to replace emotional despair. You have to analyze yourself and your relationship there’s a reason you broke up mostly likely a good one, so appreciate that relationship for what it was and move on. Have fun and Be Safe
[Reply]
TROUBLMan
Another sad thing to consider is that sometimes your relationship that just ended was nothing more than sex. What if your attached to the sex and are using more sex to replace past sex. Do you go into a never-ending spiral of unfulfilled relationships?
I’ve seen it happen. People feel hurt so they have sex as a way to heal or to hurt others that they’re having sex with currently. A MOM touched on it, what happens when you bring someone else in as a rebound? Does the cycle regenerate through them?
[Reply]
choppaboy
troublman……..you da man. i would have to agree wit you bro. people get together for all the wrong reasons all the time. Responsible people need to be honest with themselves (no matter how mindblowing the sex may be) Are u only with your partner because the Sex is good?……..A good way to do a reality check on yourself is try to subtract sex from your current relationship for a while and see what happens………………If you or your partner, start actin like a crackhead who need a hit., arguing all the time, or find yourself being just plain bored…………chances are, you only with eachother fa sex.
[Reply]
Malia
HAVE PHONE SEX!!!!!!!!!!!
It was 2:00 in the morning. Bobby Valentino was playing in the background. We had lots of long silences that felt so natural as if we were in the same room laying in the dark together and didn’t need to fill every second with voice. I could hear him breathing.
“So lemme ask you a question.”
“Yes?”
“You say you’re celibate, what do you do when you get horny?”
I couldn’t resist.
“I jack off.”
There it was. Out there and I couldn’t take it back. I didn’t want to.
“Most women wouldn’t admit that.”
“Then they’re lying!,” I laughed and continued, “I mean, I’m not gonna toss and turn all night. Can’t sleep, then every five minutes start lookin at the clock. Like right now.”
“Are you horny now?”
“Yes.”
“I am too.”
“You are?” I was getting warm just listening to his voice and imagining being there with him.
“Yeah, my dick is rock hard.”
“Are you touchin it?”
“Do you want me to?”
“ummm…yes…,”I said bashfully.
“Mmmmm.”
I was lying down in my bed watching the shadows dance on my ceiling from the candlelight. My ears turned red and I felt a little hot. The blanket was too much. I kicked it off. Then the sheet.
“What are you wearing?”
“Somethin scandalous.”
“Oh yeah? Like what?”
“Just kidding. A lace cami and boy shorts.”
“You expecting company?”
“No I wear this to bed for me. I like to sleep pretty,” I said as I began to rub my nipple and it hardened immediately, showing through my camisole.
“I wish I was there to see.”
“I wish you were too.” My hand began to glide across my skin.
“I thought you were being celibate.”
“I have a feeling if you were here all that would change.” I closed my eyes instinctly as my fingers danced playfully across the edge of my panties.
“What are you doing Malia?”
“Nothing,” I lied.
“Take off your panties.”
“What?!?!?”
“Please.”
I did.
I held back my moans as I thought of him in his bed doing the same thing I was doing.
“Are you playing with yourself?”
Oh how I wanted to be with him.
“Yes”, I whispered as if concealing a secret.
I felt like I could almost smell his scent. A second finger penetrated my wetness. I began to drift.
I softly moaned his name.
“Yes,” his breathing quickened.
I spread my legs wider and rubbed my clit. His breathing became heavier. Moans could be heard on either end of the phone. I bit my lip as my orgasm took over. For a moment I forgot that I was only on the phone and not actually in his presence. My body shook almost violently. Then suddenly we were both quiet again………
[Reply]
Viper Rogue
Damn!!!! I need a cigarette…….
[Reply]
ChiCity Star
Girl, you off the fuckin hindges!!!!!! Damn, can a brotha get a phone call? For real? Is that what you do?
[Reply]
*SB*
WOW…i didnt think phone sex could be that satisfying but I obviously under estimated it….now I just need to find someone who will be on the other end of the phone…LOL
[Reply]
Malia
You’d be surprised, with the right person EVERYTHING is satisfying. Only YOU know what sex means to YOU, and it’s a definition you and that special person develop over time —— like your own language…..
*sigh*
Lemme stop…lol……I’m goin back to work!!!!!!
[Reply]
"a mom"
Girl………………….. I’m gone spank you. But I must admit I would rather have you do that then hurt a second party on the rebound. That is not only safe sex but there are no pregnancies involved. Look go out and get a good male/female magazine.
[Reply]
BrokenSilence
I don’t agree… Jumping head first into another relationship after getting out of a long term relationship is a setup for disaster. I believe that you end up bringing excess baggage into the new relationship. Some might not admit it, but you still have some kind of tie with that person whether it’s physical or mental. Some have hatred in their heart towards the past person that they’re still carrying around… Some still have feeling for that person. It’s not fair to the new person to bring your old luggage when you get involved with them. Make time to get yourself back right after each relationship. Alot of times also, you end up attracting the same type of relationship that you just got out of. The topic of sex… Yeah right! You jump out there and ’scratch that it itch’ if you want to and you catch something that you can’t get rid of… Take time to think, it’s real out here!
Be Blessed!
[Reply]
"a mom"
I agree. Take time to be with yourself after a relationship ends.
[Reply]
Niggas R Us
Im HARD.. lol, naw but i did feel a twich I can see where it can go places.
[Reply]
Talisman
As a “recently” single male in a very long relationship, the post break-up sex was spectacular! but ranked nowhere near the previous relationship sex. While some (most?) need it to move one (plus fill our baser needs), I find myself going the route of near celibacy now. For some strange reason, I expected “the game” to be somewhat different & a little more difficult. To my dismay (pleasure?), I found it much easier after my seven year absence (for those of you wondering, neva cheated and neva will! can’t say the same of my ex-girl..). As I previously mentioned, the sex was DA SHIT!!! (Malia, that little sumthin’ was on point…) but I found myself missing the post-coital laughing, the teasing, the convo, and the intimacy.Somehow, those things became as important (more so?) over the last seven years as the sex (which I don’t understand cause I’m a GUY! Sex used to be what I LIVED for!). All this to say, maybe you do need that post-relationship “fling” to get you over the hump, but I found in the long run, it reminded me more of what I was missin’.
[Reply]
Eric Battles
Me, personally, Writing poetry has been the only love that I have that I can do just about any and everything, so when I’m not getting any sex at all, I just grab me a can of “Sum Poosie”, my cd player, some cds, pen and paper and I write, even when I’m not horny for sex.
[Reply]
*SB*
just stumbled upon this and thought it fits the article:
“sex relieves tension- loves causes it”
[Reply]
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