RSSDaddy’s Love
I’m finding a large community of young ladies, college and beyond, who suffer from what I call “Daddy’s Little Girl Syndrome.” What I’m talking about is young girls/women raised without fathers.
Most understand the need and role fathers play in young boy’s lives. Boys need a father, grandfather or some good male figure to guide them through society. They get so many mixed signals that’s hard for them to know what “being a man” is. We teach them not to cry or show emotions. We teach them to be hard and aggressive. “Be a Man, ” we tell them, advising them to forsake their softer sides. Those fortunate enough to get a real man, someone who teaches them being a man is a lot less complicated then we make it out to be, usually find their way in this world.
What most people don’t understand is that young girls need their fathers. As I see my daughter reaching adulthood, I realize something that never occurred to me. I thought that I was enough for her.
I’d been married for nearly 12 years and my daughter was about four when suddenly her dad was gone. I thought I could give her what she needed to be a productive young lady. I thought I taught her how a lady can make the whole world would pay attention.
Now she is a women and I’m starting to see things that I never addressed. The way she interacts with the opposite sex puzzles me.
She’s so busy looking for that father who’s no longer there that it’s very hard to know love. I mean, REAL LOVE—the comfort that hugs my pretty little girl.
Ultimately, she mistakes sex for love because it’s the only comfort she get from men. She thinks that if she does what ever a man tells her, he will love her. She ends up making bad choices and getting her feelings hurt.
I try to tell her that her power is her own and what ever she projects she gets back. But self-esteem issues lead her to deal with guys who try to cheapen her and make her feel less than she is. She is such a beautiful young lady with a great head on her shoulder. If only she could see that.
My question is how a mother deals with this issue. Two parent homes are becoming scarce in our country and the absence of Dads is affecting girls as well as boys. But girls are usually left out of this conversation.
A good mom can teach her daughter how she should be treated, but if she hasn’t had a man in her life to reinforce this learning how can she truly gauge what that is. How does she get along and become the best she can be.
Girls need daddy to.
7 Comments, Comment or Ping
troublsome
It’s a very touchy subject of a girl growing up without a father, and even vice-versa when a boy grows up without his mother. This is very rare but still happens… Growing up you always recognized the girls who were misled and grew up without a father figure. These were the young ladies who seemed to be a little clingier to the boys, or in some cases a little more promiscuous. When you have a girl who has never had a male influence in their lives, often times they search very hard for that and replace it with other things because they want to feel that love from a male. It’s something that they call an INCEST TABOO. Have you ever noticed the compassion and admiration that a young boy has for his mother. No matter what a father does for his little boy, he will always feel a little stronger about his mother. And that goes to say the same about a little girl, no matter how nurturing a sweet a mother is to her daughter she always going to have that soft spot for her daddy. “Daddy’s little Girl” It’s important that kids have both elements in their lives, but often times are cheated…
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TROUBLMan
The saddest fact about this issue is that the dads don’t realize how important it is to be in their daughter’s lives. These girls didn’t ask to be here. When women are born, society has already placed them at a disadvantage. Fathers are supposed to balance the scale. They’re supposed to show their young daughters that are as worthy as any boy/man they may encounter. The best thing a dad can do for his daughter is put her up on game; tell her how men think; and how they’ll work to influence girls who are lost.
[Reply]
"a mom"
Thanks! I know we can all relate to this suject. Whether we are a male/female. We have all seen are have been a part of this post. Let me hear some of your stories and what you think are some of the solutions. Maybe we should have a reality show so that we can talk to Dads, Moms and Young Adults face to face.
[Reply]
Terry
Wow, touching and true. I know several girls who have the same problems with men. One specifically laments growing up without her father and knows that it somehow connects to her relationships with men. (She always rejected her step dad). She is always seeking a care taker and protector, but it has led her down a few scary paths. I don’t think that we can over value the influencial roles that parents play in our lives.
[Reply]
Diana
A MOM
First off, you should be proud of yourself for rasing your little girl by yourself. I can only imagine how hard it is for you to see her making choices that are not the best. You must not blame yourself and continue to show her the love and support she needs. Yes, way too often fathers out there disappear not realizing the impact that they leave on that little girls life forever. It’s unfortunate that our society doesn’t have any strict laws to deal with this type of issue and most of the time time the woman is left alone trying to be mom and dad. A lot of the times child support isn’t even paid and hey even if it was we can never compare daddys love to any amount of money in the world. I wish I had a more concrete answer for you but nowadays this has just become another part of our society. Just talk to you daughter and let her know that you are always there for her whenever she needs..
[Reply]
TROUBLMan
DIANA
Great point. Child support is not enough. There’s men out here that feel like just because they get a little money taken out of their check that they’re a dad. Money can buy you things, but its not love. When these girls get older they go looking for what they know– a man with things, not a man with love. It’s a sad cycle.
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"a mom"
Thanks everybody I need your support. I also have two sons who have gone thru this as well, but they seem to be doing well as adults. They were a little older and remember a lot more. They a least understood their father and how his past has made him what he is. They take the parts good and bad and apply them to their lives. My daughter on the othere hand was too young to remember a lot about him so she only has bits and pieces. Even when she has seen him at times she can’t relate and says it doesn’t bother her because she doesn’t really know him. But now that she is older I see the difference in her. Yes I will keep giving her what she needs because thats all I have to give in me, and somehow she will be alright. Hopefully one day Dad will realize not only does she need him,but he needs her.
[Reply]
Reply to “Daddy’s Love”
SEE ALSO
♦ TROUBLMan - G.I. Bros
April 8, 2008
♦ A MOM - Show Me Some Love
March 14, 2008
♦ SB - The New Romance
March 7, 2008
♦ Cypher - Babies Aren’t Bling
February 12, 2008
♦ LilMissTROUBL - My Father’s Keeper
July 30, 2008