Three’s company

Written by: SB

There comes a point in every relationship when a threesome is brought up or suggested. I find that most men are very fond of this idea but keenness and curiosity has grown amongst women as well.

After talking with both guy and girlfriends on the subject- I have noted two main themes about the implications of threesomes on a relationship. 1.They can either take a couple’s sensuality and union to a new level or 2. They can tear a relationship apart.

The first theme is obvious to most people…it adds spice to couple’s sex life especially when it has become routine or boring. Bringing an additional person into the bedroom is new and uncharted territory for a couple… they become closer from partaking in a taboo experience with one another…exciting, right?

Well, some people believe that threesomes do more harm than good bringing us to the second theme. Some say that when a couple engages in a threesome all the energy is focused on the new person rather than each other which doesn’t help the couple’s sex life as much as it is pleasing to this new partner. Then there’s that notion that there is
always more interest in one person than the other on the part of a least one of the participants, leaving one person not equally involved. Lastly, threesomes are viewed as gateway activity for “cheating”…some fear that their partner will grow accustomed to having sex with other people and will be more inclined to be deceitful.

Although the concerns seem to outweigh the benefits- is the threesome scenario really asking for relationship problems? Or is it more than a little temporary pleasure? An additional step in satisfying and trusting your partner- maybe?

Tags: Sex | May 8, 2008 |

79 Comments, Comment or Ping

Icy Mike

Some people will be up to it, and some people may not. Sure every guy fantasizes about it, but I have to agree with you on the negative posbilities outweighing the benefits. Aside from a little variety, I’ve seen threesomes break apart perfectly good couples. Usually because one party (and usually the guy) becomes insecure.

[Reply]
Icy Mike reply on May 8, 2008 11:14 am:
Allow me to clarify. For relationships that have withstood a lot of other issues far greater than insecurities of the relationship’s time and the issue is of ‘boredom in the boudoir’, a threesome may be a solution. However, an ‘arrangement’ to have a threesome simply to please one or another partner may cause many long-term trust problems, even if there are no problems to begin with.

[Reply]
TROUBLdMAMI reply on May 8, 2008 11:27 am:
I concur!!! Thats why I have always been hesitant about this particular topic…While, I wouldn’t mind exploring this opportunity with my mate, I feel it could bring drama to my sanctuary, which I do not need. I don’t want my man to feel as though, “OK, since we had sex, its OK for me to have sex with this girl if my girl happens to not be available…” Thats a no no…This topic is just a double-edged sword…It could be GREAT, but it could be detrimental…

[Reply]
"A Mom" reply on May 8, 2008 6:54 pm:
Too many emotioins involved in this kind of thing. The couple would have to be very confident as people.

[Reply]
TROUBLMan

Funny, I just had this conversation two days ago. If my girl asked me, I would, but I’d never bring it up because her ass would assume I’m cheating. And if we did it, certain rules would apply.

1. we can only bring in women, no men!!!
2. She picks the woman.
3. She better pick a woman who has her mind right, because I don’t want homegirl tryna holla after it’s all said and done.

[Reply]
Icy Mike reply on May 8, 2008 11:15 am:
Yeah, but there’s only so much man to go around ahaha

[Reply]
TROUBLdMAMI reply on May 8, 2008 11:20 am:
Even if homegirl tried to holla after it was all said and done Mr. Man, its your responsibility to handle that…

[Reply]
She-Rell reply on May 8, 2008 11:25 am:
I dont think i would ever go through with it. It just aint worth it to me.

What really is mind boggling is that men find two women sexy…..but its just as GAY as two damn men

[Reply]
Malia reply on May 8, 2008 11:30 am:
I don’t think I could ever do it either. I am too territorial for all that!!! Just the thought of my dude with his arms around another chick infuritates me, imagine me SEEING it, up close and personal?????

I would catch a case FOR REAL!!!!

[Reply]
TROUBLdMAMI reply on May 8, 2008 12:54 pm:
That is so true girl!!!!! While, I ponder the idea…I have to deal with the fact that I am territorial and crazy…deranged…lol…Is it worth it?

[Reply]
She-Rell reply on May 8, 2008 12:56 pm:
My point exactly….all he would need to do is moan a lil bit more or louder and I would be offended

[Reply]
Malia reply on May 8, 2008 1:02 pm:
Shhheeeeeiiiittttt!!! That nigga betta not even think about moaning!!! If the nigga even breathes too hard I’m gone lose it!!!!! Yall gon have to bail me outta jail!!!!!

[Reply]
The R reply on May 8, 2008 1:04 pm:
See how yall are

We can have sex but we cannot react LMAO

[Reply]
Talisman reply on May 8, 2008 1:21 pm:
LMAO!!!! The R, you are SO right! Damn ladies…

[Reply]
The R reply on May 8, 2008 4:12 pm:
you know if that is how it is they don’t bother bringing up this topic..be
my ho and I’ll rock your world and I expect some toe curling sex..and don’t be putting me on hold every week lol

how can people discuss 3somes when they know upfront they are the jealous types? As soon as they have a 3some the relationship is over…one taste of ShavJuice and she is addicted…

In the words of Silk The Shocker Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww It ain’t my
fault…Did I do that!

[Reply]
Malia reply on May 8, 2008 4:17 pm:
See now you trippin!!!! Bringing the subject up didn’t mean we was gonna get butt naked and have hot sex on a platter….the issue was just brought to the forefront to be examined—not executed!!!!! LOL….and what the heck is ShavJuice?????

[Reply]
The R reply on May 9, 2008 8:16 am:
ShavJuic e is something like Hot Saki except it is rather rare and hard to find..but I can’t say anything else due to privacy concerns

[Reply]
"A Mom" reply on May 8, 2008 6:56 pm:
Mom’s agrees. I’m not into sharing that is why I would never be with a married man. And if he thinks this would be alright I guess he has to do what he has to do with another relationship

[Reply]
*SB* reply on May 9, 2008 8:11 am:
A MOM-

Its interesting to me that you compared sharing someone in the bedroom to sharing a married man…I can see the similarity but never thought about it like that….

I would never date/mess around/have sex with a married man because I cannot partake in his creepin’ and infedelity but a 3some seems less scandalous because both gf/bf or husband and wife have agreed to it….

[Reply]
Boosy reply on May 8, 2008 11:46 am:
Grimy…lol TROUBLMAN is you a freak…me thinks so…threesomes is a little risque for the burbs, some stripper pole classes will do a man just right……

[Reply]
She-Rell

I think it depends on the people. I myself am honest enough with me to know that I would be too jealous to watch my man with another woman. He may give it to her better than he gives it to me…and that would be a serious problem. Not only that Im SO turned off at the thought of having a nother woman touch me sexually. Now if my man is secure and wants to hav a threesome with another man….we can seriously work on that, lol.

[Reply]
Sardonyx Jade reply on May 8, 2008 11:32 am:
She-Rell

The pleasure of two men exponentially surpasses time with one. Every nerve ending screams of satisfaction.

[Reply]
Crystal

I have had one before with another girl and guy. I would not have 2 men and me - feels like a train or something. And with another woman there is more control - IMO

[Reply]
She-Rell reply on May 8, 2008 11:22 am:
I can see your point. I feel like I would be like overly tired in certain areas (mouth, etc).

[Reply]
*SB* reply on May 8, 2008 11:39 am:
Ive always felt like a threesome with two men was a nice way of saying a train too…I dont know why I feel like that tho…

Why is it that women can feel like a train is being ran on them but men done feel the same about having sex with two women?

[Reply]
Talisman reply on May 8, 2008 11:41 am:
Because men generally view that as more “intimate” if you can view a threesome that way…less testosterone in the room.

[Reply]
TROUBLdMAMI reply on May 8, 2008 12:56 pm:
power…double standards…you know that…

[Reply]
Boosy reply on May 8, 2008 11:49 am:
trains now that’s a topic TROUBL should be discussing…for some trains are a daily occurrence in the life of a rambunctious young horny boy growing up in new york city…Glow in the dark closets…..nuff said

[Reply]
Sardonyx Jade

Many are far too territorial to share physical intimacy when they are connected emotionally.

If you did not have a menage a trios while humping around in college then you can pretty much forget about it within the confines of a relationship.

[Reply]
Malia reply on May 8, 2008 11:31 am:
LOL!!!! I agree…sow your wild oats out of my presence!!!! PLAY TIME IS OVER!!!!!

[Reply]
Talisman reply on May 8, 2008 11:32 am:
Yep, this generally true of most of the men I’ve met. They ain’t sharing their girls.

[Reply]
Talisman reply on May 8, 2008 11:43 am:
With two women and himself vs. two men and his girl. Besides, the “conquering” thing comes into it as well.

[Reply]
Talisman

I’ve had my share of threesome but never with a serious girlfriend. I have problems sharing in that scenario. I’ve seen too many serious relationships blown-up (both hetero & lesbian) because people wre “bored” & wanted to “explore”. I’m all for exploration! If the relationship can handle it, more power to that couple but I ain’t sharin’.

[Reply]
*SB* reply on May 8, 2008 11:34 am:
why is it that men cannot share their women? But a women can share her man?

[Reply]
Talisman reply on May 8, 2008 11:39 am:
Sardonyx Jade said it best. Most men are FAR too territorial to share.

[Reply]
*SB* reply on May 8, 2008 11:41 am:
But women are very territorial too…i think it has more to do with them not feeling as masculine or feeling gay for being intimate with another dude inthe equation…

[Reply]
Talisman reply on May 8, 2008 11:48 am:
LOL. That’s your opinion. No, we don’t wanna see our girl gettin’ it better from someone else. If dude is on point and he’s new, there’s a certain…fervor…you notice in women who are in this situation (all my threesomes have been with two girls, so this is second-hand, lol). BMen ain’t cool with that (most women ain’t either when that’s reversed). Besides, no heterosexual man wants to cross “swords” with another.

[Reply]
*SB* reply on May 8, 2008 1:10 pm:
exactly so its more about themselves than it is about sharing their women…because if a guy and his girl partake in a threesome regardless of an additional man or woman…hes sharing her…

[Reply]
Talisman reply on May 8, 2008 1:18 pm:
or she’s sharing him. That’s the nature of threesomes but when we get right down to it, most of us are selfish and what to get ours more. Besides, looking at you partner gettin’ off on someone else and doing what we “perceive” as a “lil’ extra”, can doom a relationship.

[Reply]
Boosy reply on May 8, 2008 11:51 am:
Will smith and jada have an open relationship…maybe we should ask them how they share…interesting interview….they share?

[Reply]
Malia reply on May 8, 2008 12:51 pm:
Will Smith and Jada swing both ways though. That’s the only reason why it works. He’s diggin in the doo doo shoot and she’s lickin females…..(something neither of them can get from each other. It’s all pretty disgusting if you ask me. I could never be with a man who wanted to be with another man!

[Reply]
kendra reply on May 8, 2008 4:27 pm:
Are you sure sis? I know I read about him talking
about their “open” marriage. He was speaking of them
both getting down with the opposite sex but nothing
homosexual. Well if they do get down like that they
join the ranks of many. That lifestyle is and has
always been in hollywood. They even do documentaries
now about Club 54 and other things. Yuk Yuk Yuk…..

[Reply]
Malia reply on May 8, 2008 4:36 pm:
Girl yes, it’s been rumored for years that that was what broke him and his first wife up. I also was told by my girl who swings both ways that every year they throw a huge swingers party at in Ranch in Cali and they have secret rooms and ish!!!!!! Girl, I always though Jada was out there!

[Reply]
"A Mom" reply on May 8, 2008 6:58 pm:
Yes I heard that from someone who knew Jada in school.

[Reply]
Rolanda reply on May 9, 2008 8:04 am:
I heard the same thing.

[Reply]
ndira reply on May 9, 2008 8:05 am:
I’veheard this before. I couldnt sleep with a man that slept with other men

[Reply]
The R reply on May 9, 2008 8:08 am:
yeah we all heard that they swing but

it was never confirmed

but I’m sure we will say that they do it..

I remember they was saying it was involving Tom Cruise and Katie
then it was Monique but she fessed up to her swinging in Essence as it was an open marriage

lemme see We have it that 50 Cent, P Diddy, Lloyd Banks, Andre 3000, LL Cool J, Method Man, DMX etc are all homo thugs….we actually believe all this shit? I think we do….

[Reply]
Malia reply on May 9, 2008 8:10 am:
When two or more people say the say thing…it’s confirmed as far as I’m concerened and I’m good! They can keep their cooties over there!!!!!

The R reply on May 9, 2008 8:11 am:
add busta to that list too. i have a friend who dj’s in europe who says hes seen him looking real suspect in Austria

"A Mom" reply on May 9, 2008 1:36 pm:
Personally me neither.

[Reply]
TROUBLdMAMI reply on May 8, 2008 1:01 pm:
SB, I would feel VERY outta pocket if its my man and another man…I deserve to be shot..lol…Furthermore, I would question my man’s sexual orientation…It would not turn me on seeing two grown, hairy, sweaty men bumpin they nuts together……HELL TO THA NAW!!!!!!!!!!!!! (no offense to anyone, because I love everyone, but I’m just sayin…)

[Reply]
*SB* reply on May 8, 2008 1:11 pm:
LMAO…at bumpin nuts…im not advocating that as something that would turn me on but its a double standard as you stated in your other comment…

[Reply]
Talisman reply on May 8, 2008 1:14 pm:
World is full of double standards…

[Reply]
TROUBLMan reply on May 8, 2008 1:24 pm:
Some double standards are good. NO NUT BUMPIN!!!

[Reply]
Talisman reply on May 8, 2008 1:28 pm:
LMAO! Preach!

[Reply]
Boosy reply on May 8, 2008 3:06 pm:
a double standard is wrong , no lollipop on the nut bumpin…..

[Reply]
Ms. Charles

I’d have to say for me it brought more harm considering this third party happenend to be an ex girlfriend of his. So I would say if the guy brings in the woman to be weary of where she came from.

[Reply]
*SB* reply on May 8, 2008 12:11 pm:
yeah but atleast you had some idea where she came from…i would be weary of another women regardless…like Toy said…i dont want to catch nothing messin around with a random chick…

[Reply]
toy

i agree with Sardonyx Jade. once the emotions are there sharing is difficult…

but for me i had a hard enough time making sure my man was std free, how would i add a another chick to the equation and make sure that i didn’t come up burned…take applications?

[Reply]
blaq

I think that is why neither my man or me could .He is quiet but i know he is territorial lol i know i am so i wouldnt be able to watch him with another woman .i am not into owmen sexually either and two men and this small body hell no especailly since i like big men

[Reply]
Malia reply on May 8, 2008 1:17 pm:
I’m small too and I’m not about to let two brothas try to break me!!!! I just don’t get down like that. I’m not down with being nobody’s jump off!!!!

[Reply]
TROUBLMan reply on May 8, 2008 1:20 pm:
LOL. You a nut… Don’t act like you ain’t never had that fantasy though.

[Reply]
mrschocolatestuff reply on May 8, 2008 4:05 pm:
lol jump off, on or otherwise.

there was an ex lover dude had who seemed very interested in us hooking up and that was because i mentioned (after seeing a pic) that she had nice breasts. he got all happy and thought this would work- he had this revenge thing with her and figured he’d turn her out so she’d chase him. some mental shit. anyway, she was fiending to the point where she invited us to chill at her spot for a weekend. i told him he’d lost his mind and she’s trying to get with him. she’s only inviting me so she can get closer. i opened his eyes and told him to kill that idea and she should too.

had a very close guy friend who wanted us to hook up and i thought my best friend would be ideal. they met up, chatted a bit, she was down for it until the day of- she backed out of it. we thought about it and figured, we were more like sisters than best friends so this wouldnt work. he was disappointed and tried to get another girl in the mix but i wasnt interested. he ended up having a 3 some for one of his bdays with 2 friends (the girls didnt know each other) and he had his fantasy fulfilled.

i think i’d rather have a guy and a girl than 2 guys but who’s the say. my mind isn’t on that level anymore.

[Reply]
Q.

i’m good.. i would do it if wifey asked, but aside from that, i’m good.. i don’t see enough long-term upside.. i don’t need questions about how she “felt” or any other comparisons..

plus, i’m like TM, ain’t no 2 dudes.. EVER.. so, it would never really be equal..

in the words of Mighty Mos Def:

“fuck that, shit is wack!”

[Reply]
alwayswrite

Threesomes are bad. Period. If you are involved deeply with another person, threesomes cause problems. Now, if you are so-so dating someone, or playing with her (or him), then a threesome is a good suggestion to kill two birds with one stone–fulfillment of a fantasy and a pass on cheating.

I just can’t see how introducing another individual in the bedroom can bring a couple closer. Think: Maybe is not the sex. Maybe it’s the two people. If that’s it, then bringing a third person just distracts from the real issues a couple needs to be addressing.

[Reply]
Diana

ALWAYSWRITE,

You couldn’t have said it any better. How can you even bring in a third party into the bedroom when you are in a loving committed relationship with you partner. And how the heck can it bring a couple closer together? If this is what a couple needs to get closer together then they have issues that need to be worked on. The only person I want pleasing me in the bedroom is my man, not some random third party who is there for temporary satisfaction. You want to spice up your sex like and make it more fantasy-like? Well, talk to your partner about ways to do so.
In my opinion, this is just another thing that corrupts the union of marriage, love, and relationships.

[Reply]
Alfred

someone sent me this a while back,

25 WAYS TO TELL IF YOU’RE A
SWINGER….. ……… …

25. Giggling to yourself at the office when your
coworkers tell you how wonderful their weekend
was…If they only knew!!!!

24. Before traveling somewhere on business or to visit relatives,you
look up couples in the area.

23. You have a lot of friends all over the world.

22. You come home with that “there’s something about
Mary” hairstyle.

21. When going to a strip club with your guy friends,
instead of your wife, seems like a ridiculous waste of
time and money.

20. Your kids and the baby-sitter ask why mommy
already has her coat on when she comes out of the
bedroom every Saturday night.

19. Wondering how to explain to the neighbors why 10
couples show up on a Saturday night carrying over
night bags, blankets, pillows and don’t leave until early Sunday
afternoon… ..

18. You never open the garage door until you’re in the
car with the doors closed.

17. You both turn your head to watch the hot woman
walking down the street!

16. At the gym shower you’re the only one with shaved
balls.

15. You make plans to meet a “normal” couple at a nice
restaurant, and realize you have absolutely nothing
you can wear.

14. You spend more time grooming your privates than
most porn stars.

13. You only know couples by their first names and
e-mail addresses.

12. Many of your pictures are from different hotel
rooms and in quite a few you have a convention
wristband on.

11 Your nightstand drawer is full of bar napkins with
couples names and phone numbers

10. You are sending out online Christmas cards to
people with names like: dareustwo, wifewetandbi, and
xoticcouple

9. All of a sudden.. you have friends in Minnesota, Canada, Minnesota,
Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Massachusetts, Maryland, all over.

8. At work, when someone tells of a risqué adventure,
most are shocked or stunned and you say “Cool!”

7. You are running out of reasons to tell your
“normal” friends why you can’t go out with them.

6. You go to Jamaica once a year and “Hedo” means
something to you.

5. You close an email to your sister with Bi Bi.

4. Your closet is filled with 5″ high heeled shoes…
and you have more lingerie than most department
stores.

3. You are running out of excuses to tell your
baby-sitter why you come home at 4am on Sat
nights/Sunday morning and have a Freshly F*cked look.

2. Every bottle of liquor in your house has a big
sticker with your membership number or couple name on
it.

AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY TO TELL IF YOU’RE A
SWINGER….. .
1. You see a really hot girl walking down the street
and you say to yourself “I wonder if she’ll do my
wife!”

[Reply]
*SB* reply on May 9, 2008 8:26 am:
LMAO @ this list…its ridiculous..

[Reply]
TROUBLMan reply on May 9, 2008 1:24 pm:
I wish more people would put No. 14 in effect. LMAO

[Reply]
That Jawbreaker You Cant Get To The Middle Of

Well this is not for those that are not adult and secure.

I have done threesomes and it was cool. It only works with those that can be real and honest about who they are and what bothers them or
not. It is a matter of open play. it is unselfish adult fun.

Because most people cannot be real about themselves and understand
themselves that have a severe issue with this or they do it the wrong
way.

it is a sexual act concerning sexual desire or fantasy or whatever.

Just like with everything else with in relationships if you don’t talk
and support each other it is a damn mess. As with most people in this
country there is a large stigma on sexuality because of society being
repressed with sex.

It is an adventure to be partaken by adults who are looking to enjoy,
add spice and whatever. It is a wonderful and pleasurable experience

[Reply]
Sparkule

in the past couple of years Ive had 2 men suggest a threesome and we suppose 2 have been dating, dang! I was surprised and disappointed at the same time. No love lost fo real. What was really weird is that a girl I knew from highschool turned out 2 be bi and I didn’t have a clue until she came downstairs wearing nothin but bubbles! Yikes! I thought she was getting dressed 2 go out 2 the club. My bad!

[Reply]
Bakari

1. The Economy, price of gas and food.
2. Young People who make excuses about not excelling.
3. The Iraqi War
4. Poverty Pimps
5. Karl Malone / Dr. J / Larry Bird / Shawn Kemp / Kevin
Federline /Flava Flav
6. Sean Hannity - Larry Elder
7. Wendy Williams - Howard Stern
8. Negative People
9. The Presidential Election Process
10. My family stressing me about attending our Family Reunion.
11. The dry cleaners that promises you your clothes at a certain time and they are NEVER ready at that time…lol
12. The bird that keeps shitting on my car, rain or shine.
13. My Mxican neighbors who blast that mexican music every Saturday afternoon.
14. My Jmaican neighbors who blast that dancehall shit every Friday night.
15. My colleague who is sexy as hell and knows it, she wears form fitting dresses,high heels and smells simply fuckable…lol
16. My colleague that reminds me how much he wants to fuck her every time we talk…lol
17. Bi-Sexual women
18. Parades
19. American Idol Judges
20. Clowns, I can’t stand clowns AND all that damn makeup….

[Reply]
Malia reply on May 9, 2008 8:36 am:
LOL!!!! Thank you for blessing us with your presence Bakari! Your list is on point!!!!!! I can’t stand any of those things either…but I must tip my hat to old girl at your job—-she’s doin the dang thing…lol!!!

[Reply]
TROUBLMan reply on May 9, 2008 1:25 pm:
American Idol judges…What about American Idol viewers?

[Reply]
Malia reply on May 9, 2008 2:26 pm:
WHOA!!!!! lol…wait a minute there TM…I’m addicted to reality TV…plus I don’t have cable…not alot to choose from!!!!!!

[Reply]
Reuben

* chuckle * I have a friend who used to be active on the WI swinging
scene and from the pictures I saw…..it’s not like Hollywood and porn
makes it out to be. There were A LOT of older, fat white women and
not a lot of the “beautiful” people you thought there would be.

When I used to have my bodybuilding pictures online I used to get
email request to meet with couples to see if I’d be interested in
joining them for a 3some. I’m not gonna lie…I was highly
interested.. .but I didn’t want to end up on a milk carton so I never
went thru with it. LOL!!!

[Reply]
ms 39ways of trouble

Men usually don’t want to share a women they truly care about with anyone else. Maybe a jumpoff but not your wifey, its just opening pandoras box.

[Reply]
TROUBLdMami reply on May 11, 2008 12:51 pm:
While, I agree that it is possible that Pandora’s box maybe opened, I don’t think if a man were to approach his wife or girl that it means he loves her any less or respects her any less…

[Reply]
ms 39ways of trouble

Its definately disrespectful, in my eyes and I also see my partner in a different light. If my chick lets me and my boy bag her who is to say she won’t let another two dudes do the same. I like the idea of monogamy even if its an illusion, but i’m not down for inviting folks into my bed, its crowded enough!

[Reply]

TROUBL

Three’s company

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