TROUBL

1. Malia

   Superb piece SB!!! The way you articulate your pain resonates on the page and I feel saddened for myself and all of my sisters.

   First the whole 3/5 of a person has me on edge but it doesn’t surprise me because to whites, blacks will always be an inferior race! But from our perspective, that is actually not the major problem. What makes the whole thing so frustrating is that millions of our black brothers and sisters actually BELIEVE it!! We passively accept or tolerate the abuses and iniquities visited upon us, I know I did. I used to be intimidated by my doctors and I never spoke up for myself so they could’ve easily prescribed anything they wanted I would’ve been none the wiser. We seem to believe that because these doctors are ((supposedly)) smarter, they are expected to know what they are doing. In a manner of speaking, we as black people cooperate in our own mental slavery.

   Second, but damn sure not least ——WHERE ARE OUR MEN??????

   BLACK MEN PLEASE STAND UP!!!!!
   PLEASE TAKE CARE OF US!!!!!

   It just makes me want to cry!!! My pastor spoke on this subject Sunday and I was rocked to the core with emotion! He said the man has lost his position of leadership. God created man in HIS image and gave him the earth and everything in it. He was to rule over it! Woman came from Man, from his rib ((close to his heart))….Man doesn’t want to work, doesn’t want to provide, doesn’t wnat to be married, doesn’t want to be faithful, doesn’t even want to be masculine anymore!!!! Women have had to become leaderes in the home and in the workplace. We want to believe in our men, we want to be loved. We give ourselves to you and you give us you DIRTY DICK!!!! African-American women are 23 times as likely to be infected with the Aids virus as white women and account for 71.8% of new HIV cases among women in 29 US states.

   Yall gon make me cry today!!!!

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2. TROUBLMan

   I’m not sure if I believe in the whole women came from man rhetoric. Yes brothas do have to get it together, but sistas need to step they’re game up. In my life, it’s been the women who’ve been the leaders. Our women to to stop accepting bullshit from these wack-ass dudes out here so that things can change. I’m tired of wack brothas getting more love than the dudes I know who are about something.

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3. Malia

   TROUBLMAN

   I love you TM but sometimes you be on one!!!!!! You must be from the hippie generation because you spoke once of loving the earth and the earth loving you but you’ve never said you love God or God loves you. A lot of highly educated men have a hard time believing in God and the Bible because it says men made themselves wise in their own eyes. If you don’t know who you are in GOD’s eyes, how can you possibly understand what a great inheritance you have and how you are supposed to dominate the earth, not the other way around? ((another topic another day)) Lord please help him…..

   What do you mean we need to step our game up? You’re basically saying; since we tolerate it things won’t change. As I wrote in my post about women making EXCUSES for our men, we want to believe the best in them. Now you expect us to work, come home, cook, clean, take care of home and kids, and filter bad guys from good ones when they have so much GAME that you need street cred just to say hello!!! You are putting a lot off on us instead of pulling your homie to the side and saying, “What’s your problem man? Why are you sleeping with that ho and putting your girl’s life in danger?”

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4. Troublsome

   I’m with Troublman. Girls even if you have been turned out by a dude or whatever in life and your perception and decision making is not all the way on point “You have to find a way to open your eyes” There is a lot of wack dudes out there, who turn girls wack and vice versa. It’s one thing to think the best of your dude, but it’s another to be totally oblivious and blind to what’s in front of you. I also can attest to what Malia is saying about a man stepping up and telling his friends what’s right and what’s is wrong. I think the bottom line, is everyone needs to be held accountable for their own decisions and actions…

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5. Tia

   It’s true and my daughter was one of them. One in four teenage American girls has a sexually transmitted disease. The most common one is a virus that can cause cervical cancer, and the second most common can cause infertility. Nearly half the black teens in the study had at least one sexually transmitted infection, versus 20 percent among both whites and Mexican-American teens. This was shocking to me. I didn’t even know my daughter was having sex.

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6. brutha66

   All I’m going to say is that you can’t always blame the man.

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7. mrschocolatestuff

   No. You cant. and I believe a true man knows his role.

   Therefore.. we cannot expect boys or males to do the schooling..

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8. mrschocolatestuff

   MALIA

   LOL@ Dirty DIck!!!

   Well interesting thing. I dont think females hit the GYN as often as they should to begin with. When a girl gets her period, that’s about the time to start with annual exams and follow ups. I do believe a lot of parents pay little attention. Basically if it aint broke, dont fix it. No news is good news. Maybe there’s fear or taboos attached to the GYN visits but that’s only doing more harm than good. Girls get curious, sticking things inside of them- dirty things- brushes, veggies, whatever and that could be the start of bad puddy. Then you have boys who’s parents may not encourage annual physicals and the like.. Now you’ve got 2 dirty kids gettin it on and no one knows who gave what to whom. In addition to ignoring symptoms, not saying anything to guardians and so forth- we’ve got high cases of STDs, VD’s and cooties. It is the true men and women’s jobs to stress hygiene inside and out- not just to kids but to their peers, close co workers, other family members. Men should school their sons and if they cannot do it personally with their daughters, find a true woman to help them on the subject.

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9. Q.

   every single day i continue to say that we are living in hell.. it’s pieces like this that keep me saying it.. SB, i applaud you for putting this out there to the TROUBL audience..

   i know from my work in the medical industry that they will continue to put out these reports about treatment methods that affect our community.. whether it’s the facilities in our communities (or lack thereof), doctors not paying attention, us not being able to afford name-brand prescriptions because the majority of us do not have quality health plans, or this latest BS study you found.. they have every excuse imaginable for them not to treat us equally.. next week it will be a study about us selling our own prescriptions to go buy crack or weed.. who knows.. it’s sad..

   the STD thing is def’ serious..

   I hear you, Malia.. it’s hard for me not to get defensive, as i feel that i’m a good Black man doing the things that you speak to.. But, i understand your frustration.. i’m not having sex with dudes, but i don’t trust no chick.. i need paperwork.. i’ve always felt that if i got burned, i was liable to choke somebody out.. i don’t want to mess with that.. that’s a perfect attendance record that i want to keep.. i’m looking at chicks crazy if i even see a bump an inch away from her lip.. with those rates, i’m outnumbered.. i like my 0% chance much better than taking a 25% chance..

   overall, though, i just think we are living in a horrible time.. every day i continue to question things that i see.. i went and saw and spoke to my AAU team out in Maryland last night.. this one dude refers to me as “the sneaker dude”.. i wanted to smack him.. i don’t even know him, as this is a completely new group (other players grew outside of the 12-14 year old range).. sneaker dude? you coming at me with your hand already out, and i don’t even know you?? granted, i give the coach free reign (somewhat) to bringing together the team.. we look for the kids with no more options.. but, i sat there talking to those kids, and this one kid forgot his notepad.. the rest of the team would run that night because of him.. i then told him what i would do if i was him.. told him that he didn’t even ask another player for a sheet of paper to take notes.. told him that if i was on the team, he would be running back home to get his notepad.. but, we’re all different.. i asked dudes what was 1/2 of $1.4 million.. they couldn’t get it.. they stuttered when i asked them what was 1/2 of 1.. my talk to them was all over the place, cuz it kept getting worse as i engaged them more.. i wanted to kick off 3/4 of the team.. i then watched them practice for a bit, and i had to leave.. no passion for most of them.. the best one was the 12 year old.. he’s the son of the pastor.. i grew up with the pastor.. his son also happens to be the fastest kid in the MD/DC area.. he has “it”.. and i saw him practice hard.. the youngest kid.. going all out.. the others? not the same.. and they all told me they wanted to go to the NBA..

   so yea, i’m a bitter dude today.. been bitter for a couple of weeks.. it’s affecting me.. my work, everything.. i’m not feeling it at all, and i hope i snap out of it quickly..

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10. Malia

    LOL!!! I’m sayin….

    I understand lack of knowledge and hygeine in teens but what about grown a$$ men and women? Why are we (black women) the highest rated cases of HIV and STD’S?

    And yall wonder why I’m celibate!!!!! LOL

    Play crazy if you want to!!!!!

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11. Q.

    MRSCHOCOLATESTUFF,

    we can expect men to do the schooling, though..

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12. ChiCity Star

    A true man knows his role.

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13. Eric Battles

    Here’s how I see it, less irresponsible sex, less chances of STDs, AIDS and/or HIV. Fellas, if she’s not the one you want to commit your life to, chincheck your dick at the door.

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14. brutha66

    The way I see it, women have to take care of themselves you can’t alway trust a brotha and if you are just casual dating and you sleeping with these dates you should have to rap it up before he go sticking you. And we men have to do the same when it come to protecting you women. If we are seeing more then one woman we should at least put a condom on!

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15. Eric Battles

    Again, here’s how I see it, if there was a good man around, chances are, we’ve already killed him before he had a chance to do any thing. After all, there was 1 that existed, and guess what, we killed him over 2 thousand years ago, and still waiting for his return. Too many women complain that there are no good men, especially black men. Those of us “Good guys” are either in hiding, or attatched w/o being aware that we’re in existince. And of those that hide, do so, either b/c of too many rejections or a painful past to not share w/anyone.

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16. Malia

    TROUBLSOME———-It’s good to see some real men in the house!!! Keep us protected!!!!!

    Q————-These people don’t see the signs are here! We are living in the last days. The Anti-christ is on his way, all of our money is going to be changed, the micro-chip is already here, there is going to be one world order, they said in the last days, fathers will be afraid of their children and women will be in authority. Men have left their God given position as head and gone after their own lusts and become feminine and have lost their God given power to rule. The end is near and that’s why whatever they think up doesn’t surprise me…..the Bible said all of these things would come. Wars and rumors of wars. Strange weather, men being with men, women being with women, children killing their parents, people turning away from God and making their own idols, people loving money more than they love God………..sigh

    Oka okay I know I’m ranting but look at the numbers!!! The men are dwindling!!!!!!!

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17. mrschocolatestuff

    that’s an easy answer

    we trust and believe too much. now if we were given test kits and be not afraid to use them i think those numbers would decrease. with every unprotected act you take a chance.

    here is what women face:

    if she’s single- she can have a lot on her plate. she thinks she’s in love or whatever. when you are in love, you trust, when you trust, you dont protect.

    if she’s married- she should have one on her plate but that plate could be tainted.. or she crept like a single female and got caught out there

    if she’s in a relationship- and i’ll put myself out there- you trust, you love, you are unprotected. make no mistake, in the beginning, i hit that GYN and got every test imaginable. i’m good. but you see, out of habit and routine, although i believe he’s clean as a whistle, i still tell my GYN to run every test.

    if she’s any of the above- has been raped or abused… she must without a doubt, speak out and get tested for everything and follow up with treatments if need be

    i think the high cases are due to ignoring symptoms, avoiding medical visits, not having the money for those visits.

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18. Q.

    i feel you Malia.. i’m just not ready to go there with you yet.. LOL.. i keep worrying about bringing children into this world.. i’m nervous..

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19. TROUBLMan

    MALIA

    What I believe in can’t be described by one word or captured in a book. I believe in a supreme, something that is greater than my human mind will allow me to imagine. I don’t have a hard time believing in the Bible. I believe in the Bible. I just don’t take it literally. I believe that it captures the knowledge and interpretations that man has gathered over time…but at the end of the day, man wrote it…

    I also believe what my life has shown me, which is that people regardless of sex are supposed to dominate the earth. I’m a strong man not because I was taught by strong men. I’m a strong man because my mom was a strong person.

    I’m not into all that patriarchal nonsense that we’ve been taught. I think your definition places physical strength over mental strength. Strength and power is not just the brute force that men have, it’s also the will to get up and keep going that women have. And at the end of the day everything is mental.

    I look at the world around me and see how female lions are the fighters; their the ones who kill the food that the males eat. I watch how black moms have had to play mom and dad. Shit, if you wanna reference the bible ,Mary birthed Jesus without the help of a man. And realize the queen is the most powerful piece on the chess board.

    Basically what I’m touching on is the fact that too many women are waiting to be taken care of.

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20. TROUBLMan

    ERIC BATTLES

    Why are you waiting for Jesus? Why don’t you decide to be him. Jump of the ledge…

    One of the realest things I ever heard was a line by Nas when he rapped: “The beauty of life is when mom said nigga you could be Christ/ I wasn’t old enough to hold my dick and pee right..”

    Find a way to sacrifice yourself that will have people reading books about you two thousand years later.

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21. Troublsome

    Troublman- I concur my dude… Instead of some women taking initiative, they are waiting for a golden opportunity… Some dudes do it too… I also am a strong Man, because I was raised by a very strong woman who accepted her responsibilities and held herself accountable for them.

    My pops was amazing too, but it wasn’t til moms said she was going to leave his ass and take his kids away from him if he didn’t get his sh%t together. Sometimes it takes something or someone to make yourself gut check yourself and hold yourself accountable.

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22. TROUBLMan

    TROUBLSOME

    I’m glad you feel me. The people who deliver gut checks are leaders…Leaders dominate the earth, whether they be men or women.

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23. Malia

    Lord, Lord, Lord….*shakin my head*

    I will take the lead, only becasue I have to…….yall don’t get it but whatever! Sorry I brought it up! You do you and I will continue to do me!!! Without a man….apparently without sex…lol. Well actually, I am down with getting papers Q!!!! Get it in writing and go from there………

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24. Traci

    I am in agreement that we as double minorities are have a lot of work to do. It does not surprise me at all that blacks are not properly medicated because that would help to explain why blacks have a greater risk of dying from certain diseases than other races. Regarding the increase and staggering numbers of black women with STD’s I say it is a two-fold problem. It is easy to blame our black men solely but the truth of the matter is that men are not the ones who have a responsibility to protect us. We should be our first protectors and therefore should have a self imposed obligation to REQUIRE use of a condom. We have some culpability in this whole thing. I see the young girls and how they conduct themselves and it really makes me wonder if their parents are aware of how they act when they are not with them. It would be foolish to believe even for a moment that you have full control on your kids behavior when they are away from you especially when they are in their teens but something has gone very wrong with the rearing of our girls that they think its okay to be waiting at the bus stop gyrating their hips attracting the attention of every male with in a 5 block radius. What has happened that we are not teaching a strong enough message that their bodies are a sacred treasure to be shared with someone special? What has happened that we are telling our girls the truth about how young men can behave in their pursuit to concur as many gurls as they can to have locker room session bragging rights. Seeing they way the young gurls conduct themselves makes me think that my purpose is to begin a non-porfit organization to mentor young girls and teach them to place an extremely high value on themselves.

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25. *SB*

    Troublman- I LUV YOU and your comments about strong women…women are and have been the leaders in society in many ways….

    Lets not point the finger in the STD situation because both parties are at fault….the girl for not visiting the GYN office and creepin…the dude for pokin random women and not getting his DIRTY DICK (LOL- I luv you Malia!) checked out…if your old enough to have sex your old enough to make an appointment and go to the doctor…

    I know that doctors visits can be expensive…i just went this week and my co-pay is $15 and they got me for last time when I forgot to pay….but there are plenty of free clinics someone could go to…so the resources are out there…people have to make an effort just like they would if the shoes they wanted was on sale at the shop uptown instead of the one in their neighborhood…

    MrsChocolateStuff-
    I agree! people are embarassed to go the doctor… its an uncomfortable situation…you have some random man or woman touch on you…ask you all types of personal questions…people dont want to make themselves vulnerable and they are scared to confront the truth- scared of being judged…but that excuse is played like an A-track tape (i got that from love-jones- was watching it last night- LOL)

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26. Q.

    Malia, i definitely get what you’re saying (esp’ as a PK), and the signs are there..

    TM, i’m also with you on the spiritual being.. i’ve always been an advocate of people using the Bible as a guide, not as a literal “do this or you’re going to hell” type of thing.. so i feel you on that..

    we should have a national “get your papers” day in the hood.. i say we start in DC and Baltimore since they lead the nation (or at least they used to) in those STD/HIV rates.. you know that’s why MJ left the Wizards, right? (only jokes)..

    SB, i feel your pain.. i think about my mom, my sister (who is trying to get married again), my 3 nieces, my lil’ star “Jazmine”, all of them.. i get upset.. i got upset last week when i found out this chick (in her mid 20s) talked to Jazmine (12 years old) about her being asked out.. for what? i only say this, to note that i’m not sure where we’re going anymore.. women are being led astray by men and women.. the only positives that i have are individuals like yourself, Malia, and other women affiliated with TROUBL that are grown enough to appropriately air out our dirty laundry.. i only ask that we keep it going, and the conversation continues..

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27. Ever the Sociologist

    Statistics are the damnedest things… I would know. But let us not forget why they exist. SB the studies you read were done to inform the public, highlight issues well hidden, and to hopefully inform policy (that is if the politicians ever give a shit). So keeping this in mind you can consider yourself informed and become watchful for the same behaviors or predictors in your life that may cause you to be a negative addition to the data.

    You are an amazingly introspective and discerning black woman. Hold steady and remain prudent; you have no reason to fear. Fear causes doubt, and doubt is probably the most destructive force in the black community–self doubt that is.

    I am certain a beautiful black woman like you will always positively skew the data. I’ll make sure of it.

    

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28. *SB*

    Traci-
    Kudos to what you said- i see it all the time….Young girls that are fast asses! I cant lie, I went through my fast- ass stage…I think every woman has been there at some point in her adolescence but that doesn’t make it right…and believe me my parents were strict as shit with me! I look back on those times like, “WTF was I thinking??”….” I thought I was so cute and popular- when I looked lame and desperate for attention”… So its very tru- kids are completely different when their parents are around…I would support you in anyway I can if you do decide to open up that non-profit….*ish we need to give our young sistas an etiquette book…

    Ever the Sociologists-
    Thanks for the luv…im trying to redirect the my fear into productive energy because your right- sitting around scared does not solve a damn thing!

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29. KEVIN DAVY

    Malia

    Man doesn’t want to work, (We work!)

    doesn’t want to provide, (We provide!)

    doesn’t wnat to be married, (OK, you got me there!)

    doesn’t want to be faithful, (Not true. We are faithful)

    doesn’t even want to be masculine anymore!!!! (Sheeitt)

    Women have had to become leaderes in the home and in the workplace. (With sorry ass nonworking dude, hell yes!)

    We want to believe in our men, we want to be loved. (start with not saying we do not want to work, provide or be faithful)

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30. Malia

    LOL!!!!!

    Kevin I love my black men! I TRULY DO!!!! Why do you think I feel so passionately about this? It’s not that I want the last word or to “ONE UP” my beautiful King, it’s the fact that I want him to step into his rightful place of honor!!!!!! He is royalty, he should act like it!

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31. *SB*

    Kevin Davy…

    You are probable an exception to the men Malia is referring to but shes right…shes not saying that to bash on men…but there are a whole lot of men out there- who just dont get it! They call themselves men but find their manhood between the legs of whatever cutie their laying up with- a shame really…I will admit there are women who just dont have a clue either….

    I dont understand how someone could be so called grown…and not want to accept responsibility for their actions!

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32. Ev

    Malia

    Come on now. You have been here when real men were giving advice to the sisterhood. Shoot, even you turned on us a few times. LOL! You saw how many times they refuse to listen to us. This is the way it is in the feminist era (ERROR).

    Females, especially Black females, do not listen to Black men. Where is the man’s place in a scoiety where he is not needed nor respected? Soon, this country is going to plunge into a depression and there’s gonna be some crazy things going on. The Independent woman is going to have to tackle fighting on their own. A lot of the men are done arguing with self absorbed females. Notice, I hardly argue with anyone (except for Nicole, who I love dearly) anymore.

    There is a changing tide in Black female ideology and you can find it on YouTube. I post this video link for you if you want to see what more and more Black Women are beginning to think and say.

    Sister in the New Revolution Speaks to the Sistahood

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ki8-P0jOG04

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33. KEVIN DAVY

    ALSO - Because they do not have a big blocking back called a rubber running interference for the golden valley.

    Touchdown STD. Respect yourself. Do who you want, but that there is some good latex if the brother is doing someone else.

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34. KEVIN DAVY

    Malia, most sisters do not want the covenant that goes with this agreement. I think the sisters better face some reality about brothers.

    Here is the truth.

    There is one way to keep a brother from going to get it. That way is for you to already have it. After you have it, primp it. After you primp it, administer it. After you administer it, if there is any life left in the ole sausage, readminister until the sausage is……. soft

    Here is a secret….. Do you know that if a man is working and productive, enough sex will wear his ass totally out?

    I cannot go pussy hunting Malia, if I am money hunting and my pussy needs are met at the place where the pussy belongs. I want it handled in the morning. Some days I want it handled in the evening.

    Your job is to handle it and handle it well. If you do not handle it well, and someone else would like to handle it, little brotherman gets some bloodflow his damn self.

    But extinguish that hose every morning. It flares up in mid-evening, extinguish it again that night. With a decent brother, you will not have a problem.

    Now, when you tell that brother that he has been bad, therefore you will not be extinguishing the hose that night, the hose is still left full of fluid. The fluid must come out. Enter pornography- or your cousin who doesn’t like the fact that your ass has a man anyway.

    Malia, I will tell you this. You can’t turn a whore into a housewife.

    And you cannot make a lazy, Nintendo playing nigger a man either.

    Walk into your man’s house. If he is playing NBA Live on the Xbox at the professional level, leave his ass and leave his hose unextinguished. His ass has had too much practice. Practice takes time. Men are trying to earn money, they ain’t got time to practice.

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35. Eric Battles

    Ev, Kev, and all of you listen, the only way we can kill all the STDs, AIDS, VDs, and HIV, is that we just stop having irresponsible sex, meaning, Fellas, if she is not the one you want to build a future w/, and this goes for the sistas as well, lock those genitals. Just b/c we know how to fuk, does not give anyone the right to go fukkin’ irresponsibly.

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36. TROUBLMan

    Ladies,

    I think its kind of crazy that the women are defining manhood (shouldn’t be the other way around).

    With that being said, ladies what is manhood or being a man? I think a lot of men and women get it confused. Some people think that slapping a chick is manly. Others say patience and love. All of you are smart and progressive. Please teach us men your definition.

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37. Q.

    Eric, i feel you, but that ain’t happening.. it’s like asking me to stop eating bacon or something.. i love it too much.. but i feel where you’re going, and that’s the only way to truly stop it.. just like ppl won’t stop drinking or smoking cigarettes (even with those deadly diseases that stem from it), i doubt dudes are going to stop having sex with women they have not considered to be their eventual wife.. i’m thinking women might feel the same way..

    i sometimes wonder if there really is a lack of good men, or if the bad ones just “outshine” everyone else.. cuz when i think back to high school in college, there were more nerds than jocks.. i have a hard time believing that the nerds are also horrible men.. i could be wrong, though..

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38. *SB*

    TM-
    I dont think the women are trying to define what manhood is…i think they are just pointing out what it is not…of course a man is better suited to say what being a man is but that doesnt mean a woman has no clue…

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39. LoverOfPeace

    real man is one who shows respect to his Mother and Father. A real man treats his friends and family and strangers on the street with the same respect as well. A real man loves his children and wife and stays through the thick and the thin. A man that will never lift his hand to a woman’s face. Who will treat her like a lady with dignity and respect always. Who shows her how much he truly cares and loves her by telling her and surprising her with flowers at work or home. Cooking dinner and telling her to just put your feet up honey and let me handle the dishes and putting the kids to bed. A real man takes time to teach and show his kids the proper way to go about disputes and teaches them values in life. A real man teaches his children how to respect others and to be kind by example. And when in the presence of his wife, he shows them tenderness and compassion while holding her close. (Nothing un PG) A real man will see someone in distress and offer to help. Real men seek and praise God with their wives and family. Real men do the best they can, they don’t cheat, steal or lie to get their way. They are humble, honest and their heart’s are soft with love and compassion. Real men can be gentle as a lamb with their wife, children, family and friends. And can be fierce as a lion with offenders. We are both protectors and lovers…….

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40. Felicia

    A real man to me is someone in touch with his feelings, who isn’t afraid to show love to his woman in public, who works (not to provide, but to help stabilize a home) and who is there for his children if there are any. And yes, real men could wear pink if not afraid to do so (and I know plenty who does wear pink).

    But a real man, is someone who’s there for you no matter what, to hold you if crying, to stand and take punishment if you are peeved off with him or someone else, and yet still be able to go to bed with you and hold you tightly while telling you he loves you.

    And yes, I’ve got one of those men in my life and I love him more than anything.

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41. *SB*

    TM-

    I retract my last statement…women are defining what it is to be a man…and they do it so well!

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42. TROUBLMan

    Q

    There’s a lot of good men out there, they’re just overlooked. There’s way too many women who’d rather pick a dick over a degree. They’d rather have a baller than a man who works hard and is respectful. That’s ho STDs spread.. when two people, who don’t have their minds right and looking for the wrong things get together and have sex.

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43. Malia

    TROUBLMAN

    I can’t define it just like you said about about God……However, I think anyone who’s searching to find out what a “real man” is, is someone on the right path to becoming one…

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44. kendra

    One word sums manhood up for me………INTEGRIT Y

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45. mrschocolatestuff

    i have a more extensive reply to this because it’s my personal definition.. but this is summary.

    filter out males from men. too many males are posing as true men.

    a true man will do all he has to protect you- that is your emotional and spiritual being. that’s his job.

    therefore, if she’s surrounded by a mixture- it’s her job to listen and see. we always seem to fail in that department and get pissed when the male (whom we believe to be a true man OR we try to change into a true man) has fucked us over…

    the key is knowing what a true man really is. we haven’t been schooled because our mothers, our grandmothers, aunts, cousins and so forth keep running into males.

    a man is always faithful to the letter. the males- well, they do what they do

    [Reply]

46. kendra

    Simple and logical Eric, but uh last to speak of Dick Disciple and Pussy Principles to even speak of honor and integrity when it comes to your own genitals…. ….well nevermind I will keep that thought to myself….

    [Reply]

47. TROUBLMan

    MALIA

    Thank you. It’s important to me because I need to be able to teach my little man…

    LOVEROFPEACE, FELICIA, KENDRA
    I Agree…

    MRSCHOCOLATESTUFF
    I agree with all but one thing. Maybe I misinterpreted you but I don’t think a man should have to protect your emotional self. That’s your job. He should be there to comfort you, but protect you?If that the case how can you considered yourself a real women.

    [Reply]

48. Q.

    you know what’s funny to me? i’m watching married couples behave in ways that are counter to what most have talked about.. and i’m paying close attention to the women.. in 3 cases, i’m seeing women leave their men or act in ways that they are pretty much forcing the men to leave..

    i know a woman who for some reason chooses not to listen to the great advice that her husband provides.. she’ll listen to everyone but him.. only if he becomes forceful with his opinions (and forceful meaning he has to pretty much argue and raise his voice) does she start to listen.. now, i’ve done things on purpose such as said the exact same thing to her, only to have her listen to me.. i’m watching this dude mentally leave.. i’m seeing this dude (who has A LOT of beautiful options) still give it his all and not give up.. i’m seeing her do the opposite, although i know she is afraid to lose this dude.. if he comes up with a great idea, she knocks it.. if she likes it, she then takes control over it.. i shake my head, and i’ve even started to distance myself from her, because i don’t like what’s going on.. this dudes LOVES her to death, and is doing all that he can before he either leaves or finds another outlet..

    i know of another situation as well, where i know this dude is not for her.. but she has gone against a lot to be with him.. for what? i don’t know..

    so i’m seeing situations that are close to me, that just speak to something totally different.. i’ve seen the same stuff in high school and in college.. while i hear a lot of you, i often wonder.. shoot, i wonder about myself.. cuz i never want to be in the position that my man is currently in.. that’s a huge fear of mine.. nothing that won’t stop me from being with a woman, but it does make me wonder..

    [Reply]

49. Kimberly Mccord"

    Nice definition mrschocolatestuff!!

    [Reply]

50. Ev

    MRSCHOCOLATESTUFF

    You Did Not say that!!! No way! AMAZING!!

    How the hell did you finally get it woman? LOL!!

    This is Good… you made my day!

    [Reply]

51. Malia

    Q.

    I feel you completely! It’s really sad and it messes it up for people who really want the dream, because this half-in half-out stuff is making our hearts callous over!

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52. kendra

    All men protect something, even if it is their cars and playstations. Why are asking this is beyond me…..

    On a personal note, I dont have one male friend that will not get in someones ass about me. Vice Versa. Yes they are to protect us, that does not mean we can’t protect ourselves but there is something off about a man who will allow someone else to threathen his woman or family in anyway.

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53. mrschocolatestuff

    protecting his family’s welfare is a true man’s job. he should be able to defend himself physically and emotionally and do the same for his female counterparts and other members of his family.

    a woman should be able to hold her own in the same manner but when it comes to both being in situations, he’s to step up.

    if he sees a male railing on a female, he should be whippin that male’s ass, not stand there as if it’s entertainment. physically, we are the weaker sex.

    when it comes to someone bad mouthin your momma, sisters, wife/SO, etc, he should be saying ‘dont talk about my… ‘..

    let me give an example.. my guy’s brother has a serious weed problem. housing called the mother up - who’s been long gone out of the apt and has moved out of the state- asking for payments. she called him, asking what’s going on- dude hung up on her. her son hung up on her. so mom calls my guy, upset, crying and hurt by all of this and he had to turn around, call his brother and rip him a new ass. true man had to put him in his place because she was unable to defend herself.

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54. T Brown

    The notion of the Strong African American is definitely a negative result of the African American’s legacy from slavery in America. Our experience surviving hundreds of years of rapes, beatings, sexual and mental abuse as well as our endurance of animal like conditions in the middle passage have all contributed to the present stereotypes of “Strong Black people.” Therefore it is of no surprise to me that those in the medical field would think we can handle pain at different levels. The idea of the “Strong Black Woman” as well as the “Superior Athlete” male are constantly reiterated in media. In programs such as Flavor of Love and other programs which casts Black women who are outspoken but portray them as extremely conflict driven, black women are portrayed as being Overly independent and opposite that of white women who are submissive and gentle. Black males are portrayed 99% of the time in American media in sports roles and not average roles such as cooks or doctors. Media socialization definitely adds to regular people’s such as doctors views and ideas of African Americans in my opinion. We have to change the way we are viewd while also ddemanding the same treatment as other ethnic groups. Community organization would be a great start, which means we have a long way to go.

    [Reply]

55. Erika

    Not like a bodyguard! LOL Protect you as far as feelings, times of need, etc.

    [Reply]

56. Erika

    *wiping brow*

    Thank you ladies!!! I was wondering if I was the only woman offended that he even asked the question. It made me feel less of a woman or not worthy of a man to care for, honor, cherish and protect me….

    [Reply]

57. Kimberly Mccord"

    That was a boy speaking, definitely not a man.

    [Reply]

58. TROUBLMan

    MRSCHOCOLATESTUFF

    Again, I agree with all your saying. I just don’t like the thought of protecting an adult emotionally.

    Yes, it is the mans role to protect his woman physically. But I’m not with protecting a “woman” emotionally. I will protect a “girl” emotionally, whether it be my daughter or a young female that I know. But protecting a woman emotionally is backwards.

    I will comfort her emotionally, but why should I have to protect her emotionally?

    [Reply]

59. TROUBLMan

    Girls need emotional protection. Women need comfort.

    [Reply]

60. *SB*

    TM-
    I think its about doing what you have to do to make your woman feel comfortable and safe…although a woman should be able to protect herself emotionally…sometimes we need the additional support…sometimes…we like knowing that you can see whats troubling us and you can protect us from the drama…especially when our spirits and energy are down…

    [Reply]

61. Malia

    TROUBLMAN

    Who ever said emotional protection? Is that a term you just made up? You cannot protect someone else’s feelings (THEY ARE FEELINGS) you can’t even protect children’s feelings…..what are you talking about? Now we’re just mencing words…….

    I’m done!!!

    [Reply]

62. TROUBLMan

    SB

    I all for making her feel comfortable and safe. If I have to give my life to protect my woman physically, I will. But emotional protection is backwards. Emotions are someones own feelings. I will comfort you when you’re sad, but I’m not protecting you from your own feelings. People need to face the way the feel. Men and women.

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63. blaq

    My male freinds would protect me in minute, to them it is natural!!! What’s worse is that my man protects all the time he doent even realize he is doing it sometimes …….and no, I am not less woman because of it!

    [Reply]

64. TRAVELING MAN

    What are the names of the articles and newspaper published them? I am interested in reading them and passing on the information.

    [Reply]

65. blaq

    I also have a few freinds and I am watching the demise of their marriages. They don’t see their men checking out mentally and it’s so sad. If they don’t want to try what can you do?

    [Reply]

66. Ttroublsome

    I’m really feeling the flow of this convo. It’s Troubl

    [Reply]

67. troublsome

    I’m really feeling the flow of this convo. It’s Troubl…

    [Reply]

68. Icy Mike

    That just plain out sucks. I can’t speak from personal experience as I am a Chinese Boy (and we Chinese cheapen our medical expenses! Yes it’s true.) In any case, I’ve always had a better experience going to see a doctor who was Asian as opposed to a doctor who was white, latino, or black. I don’t know about you guys.

    [Reply]

69. "A Mom"

    It was hard to get in on this one. I was so busy reading all of these, it took time to get to the bottom. I have so much respect for all of your comments. Troubl has a lot of thinkers and it feels good.
    My feelings as a mother is teaching our sons as well as our daughters. We expect different things from our boys as we do our girls and thats not the way it should be. Girls are just as smart as boys and now a day a Ho type behavior has no sex. As adults we need to check ourselves and not depend on one another. The best man/woman could catch something, because of someone they were with in the past. So as we educated our minds we educate the value of our bodies.
    I believe in my Lord Jesus Christ who died for me, but I also believe he trusts us to live our lives like he did. That meaning it’s your responsibility. He gave you the ability to use your mind.

    [Reply]

70. "A Mom"

    ICY MIKE
    My doctor is Asian. She is a good doctor who spends time and talks to me. She has also in the past called me just to check. She has been the best experience for me since I’ve been going to Kaiser. But I don’t think it’s because she is Asian. She could have been another race. The point is. She is a good doctor.

    [Reply]

71. Talisman

    DAMN!!! LOL, this turned into a hell of a discussion and I’m hella late. I’d like to say that the “real man” or “real woman” topic is bullshit for most. Most people are ruled by aesthetics and that is what drives most of our sex drives. Do we have control of them? Of course, we’re rational beings but often times when things get hot & heavy, control is put on the back burner and thus, your chances of “getting something” increase.

    And the reason that the “man” and “woman” argument is bullshit is that it is very subjective! Yes, a good man provides, protects, and is in his woman’s corner but the questionable ones, be they “males”, “boys”, or or stupid fools, get a free pass on their behavior more often than not. This shit just perpetuates the cycle. Plus, I seen good black men ignored by black females for the flashy dude or da baller; later on down the line, they call me (the counselor friend) wondering why they keep making the mistake of choosing that type of man over & over… for some it shallowness, for others, the “Third Leg Principle” applies, etc. And before you say these women are just young girls, I’ve talked to two women recently in their mid 30s regarding this issue.

    [Reply]

Reply to “Black Girl Lost”

SEE ALSO

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