RSSShow Me Some Love
Okay we made some mistakes! Okay we made a lot of mistakes.
There are no books on parenting. We lay down together with all of our emotions to make love or non-emotions and have sex. And here you are in all your glory unaware of what is in store for you. From that day on you belong to two people called a mother and father. While we become parents with little or no skills to prepare us for life on our own let alone a person with children.
My parents had seven children back in the day when children were “Seen and not Heard.” Sure they loved us, but what does that really mean. I don’t remember many hugs or kisses. I don’t even remember sitting in my Mom’s lap or having a story read to me at bedtime. Most of my time was spent with my Grandmother who took us to church where we learned to fear the wrath of God. Sure they all loved us and they whipped us all when one did something they considered wrong. We all got taught a lesson. But my parents did a lot of family things as far as vacations, Thanksgiving, Xmas, Easter and so on. There was not a lot of emotional love. I guess they did the best they knew how to.
I wasn’t an adult at the time, but I grew up during a different time; a time when free love and drugs were the flavors of the day. It was a time when parents wanted to be different from their parents, they wanted to be more loving and understanding, so they spared the rod and let their kids express themselves (mistake). We as kids became a product of free spirits to experiment with what ever, and speak your mind on an equal level as your parents. Be natural, no bras or underwear for that matter and all the free love/sex you could get.
Now we are living the “Me Generation.” Today is all about what “I” want and what “I” can get. We buy your love with things while we go off to work each day to make that big money for more things, and leave our kids all day in someone’s care who wants money without giving proper love and care. Don’t get me wrong, there are some good caregivers. Though some of us are likely leave to you at home, alone, at too young of an age, with the TV or computer to occupy you. We don’t have time to cook dinner or sit at the table to eat with you to discuss your day, and by the time the day is over for us it’s bedtime for you. This goes on day after day and we wonder why our children join gangs and other unhealthy activities.
Now things are on a higher level and we value people even less. Children’s esteem is at its lowest. How can you make the changes necessary to regain a healthy population of children, who are not valued by what they have but by who they are?
Most importantly, how can you become the future and create the change we so much need in this world? Space is already becoming part of us. How will you deal with the universe?
There is nothing simple about raising children. We do the best until we can do better. Now it’s time for you to raise yours.
I’m saying all this to say we should take a hard look at ourselves, and how we have shaped our children’s lives. Our country has also played a big part in this neglect. As a nation, we’ve put our young on the back burner for our own selfish reasons.
It all starts at home. And it really does take a village. Our whole country is responsible. All our children care about is our real love; a hug, a peck on the cheek, a tuck in bed and maybe even a bedtime story.
Give some emotional and physical time to your kids. It will make a world of difference. The rest is all secondary.
12 Comments, Comment or Ping
*SB*
A MOM-
I really love this post!!! Im not a mother but I know many…some older than me and some younger and I see the struggles they face everyday trying to ensure that their lil man or mama grows up to be a healthy and productive person…
Im not sure if there is a right way to raise your children but I believe love, support and constant guidance plays a big part….
As the oldest girl in a group of 4…my parents were very strict…so much so that I started to rebel…I wasnt allowed to do anything but they were the most loving parents ever….with my sister, they were relatively lax…I guess I was their test-dummy for raising a girl…me and my sis are very different people….shes more carefree and spoiled than I am (not hating-but if you met her you would agree) so I guess good parenting is hard to establish…or like a formula…
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TROUBLMan
I love the post also. It’s very real, straight from the heart.
There’s is no formula for raising kids. As a parent you have to be smart enough to adapt to the various circumstances that will come your way. You have to be able to handle the kids getting in trouble at school, or maybe the kids getting arrested. These are things that as a parent no one prepares for.
The good parents are the ones that throughout keep love at the forefront. Whether be talking with or whether be disciplining your child, as long a love stays in the forefront thing will be good.
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Disciple
As a young father in this twisted world, I can say that I’m proud of myself.
I wasn’t ready/prepared for parenting but I think the reason why I’ve done such a good job is because of the values that my parents bestowed in me when I was growing up. I could honestly say that they were good parents but they weren’t the best, but they sure tried their best and that’s all that we can do as parents. We do need to keep love on our mind and remain focus thru out all the distractions and frustration that comes our way, because our kids are the ones that reap our grief.
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Diana
Your absolutely right because there really is no such thing as right parenting. The problem is when it becomes bad or wrong parenting. As a preschool teacher, it becomes clearly obvious a few weeks into the school year, which child is shown love at home and which one is neglected. A perfect example is one of my students whose parents always drop him off an hour early in the morning and leave him after school all the time, even on days of special events where school lets out at noon. You may be wondering that maybe they don’t have the flexibility and need to be at work but it’s not the case at all. I teach at a preschool where the families have a very high economicstatus and in fact this family in particular is one of the wealthiest ones. The parents would just rather be off doing their own thing and unless they have to care for their child they would prefer not to. Then there are the parents who often come early to pick up their child to take them to lunch that day, to a picnic, or the zoo.
I don’t have any children of my own yet but I’ll be the first to admit that parenting is hard. It’s not always so clear cut becuase each child is uniquely different from the other. We will all make mistakes and can’t be the best parent. But the onle thing we must do is instill a good sense of self in our children by showing them love, compassion, repsect. Don’t put down your child, don’t compare him/her to others, don’t take out your own problems on that child because at the end of the day that child is not the cause. Tell your children how much you love to them and really apprecaite them any moment that you can. It really breaks my heart when some of my students come to school acting up just so they could get some affection that they are clearly not getting at home.Your parenting effects the rest of their life and I would hope that we all want our children to grow up to be positive, responsible and loving adults!
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"a mom"
Excuse some of my grammar. Sometimes the words come out different from what in my head, but I know you all understand what I’m saying.
Diana- Thank so much for telling us about your pre-schoolers. I can tell your heart is in the right place to be a teacher, and I’m sure you will be the one to make a difference in there. Even if you don’t have children now ,your are still a parent. Neglect knows no value love has no price.
Disciple- Your post is extremely important to me also because we don’t talk enough about fathers as parents. It’s usually the mothers. When I became a single parent with two boys and one girl. Believe me it was not only the moms who were there for me, but my boys had male mentors in school, the boys scouts and church. That’s where I learned about “Jock itch” and “Athlete Feet” I didn’t know what to do when my boys started to get those male properties and tell me they were having problems so it was hard to tell them what to do. I learned that there were a lot of good men out there who were willing to answer my questions all I needed to do is ask. I was very lucky to have a village raising me and my children.
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ms 39ways of trouble
I come from a 2 parent, loving supportive home. My parents have been together over 40 years and sacraficed alot to ensure my happiness. My parents were ready, to have children, and welcomed the planned events, unlike most young parents today. Young women and men find themselves internally battling themselves, trying to decide what is a priority in thier lives;thier children or thier social lives. Children dont have the same innocent, carefree childhood, that some of us had because their parents are still living their childhood, clubbing, going to Springbreak and doing whatever they’d like. When you have a child you should dedicated yourself to his or her happiness and focus on rearing a happy, healthy, well- adjusted contributing member of society.
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Ronnie B.troubl
MS- I completely agree with you once you have a kid its not about you any more it becomes your responsability to properly shape their lives.
I dont have that much experience with children but this weekend I had the pleasure of hanging out with a 5 yo named kelvyn he was so smart it was amazing. I met him at a friends house I went over there to hang out we were drinking and as the night progessed his mother started wyling out the way that he was reacting to it let me know that he had experienced this behavior before it got to the point that I was so disgusted i had to leave nobody is perfect but you definately always have to have your kids in mind because in the end your all they got
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The Color of Water
Check out: http://www.dadsanddaughters.org
A WONDERFUL RESOURCE!
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Cypher
Well said Disciple. As a man I’m proud to hear that you are a good father who understands the importance of parenthood and that you have accepted the responsibilities of parenthood. I know when my day comes to be a parent I will be the same way. We need more men like you.
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"a mom"
Please Father’s express yourselves. We need your input.
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m .
i’m not a father, but i come from a home where it’s the opposite of the “dead beat daddy” stereotype — with that being said, allow me to say that my father is the most inspirational person in my life.
at a very young age, my mother&father had a falling out. i vividly remember this incident. i was at the table in the kitchen eating a steamy bowl of chicken flavored maurchan ramen noodles (mmm mmm good!) when my dad who had taken a impromptu mini-vacation to Hawaii to get away from the stress the city had been presenting him, returned home. my mother accused him of infidelity and simply spazzed out on him. a huge fight insued, and a bunch of random broken things and flipped over coffee tables later, my dad had enough.
he left, and so did my mother — she took me with her to live with my grandmother. for a few years, my dad occupied my weekends. he is a recreation director for the city&county of san francisco. so on the weekends i would go to his job, at whatever gym or playground he was working at and have a grand of a time. monday’s he would take me to school, and the rest of the week i would be w/ my mother.
this happened for 6 or 7 years of my life.
upon entering middle school, roles changed and my dad got custody of me. at the time, i didn’t know why, nor did i care much. i was always more fond of my dad&his company than being around my mother and hers.
my dad got me into a catholic middle school (Mission Dolores to be exact) and i did exceptionally well there, but when it came time to get into a high school of my choosing, it didn’t happen and i wound up at George Washington High School.
this is the point in my life where i was forced to “grow up.”
my mom lived a whole lot closer to wash than my dad, so i was back&forth between homes trying to figure out the best way to succeed in school from the seperate households. needless to say, i made the wrong decision. i decided to stay with my mom, and this is where i realized how much i don’t want to be like her when parenting the kids i’ll have in the future.
my mom had my younger brother (different father) right before i graduated middle school, so of course he was time consuming and required much attention. she was working some dead-end job, and pretty much gave me the option of going to school or not, of course i chose the latter of the two. so my days would consist of sleeping in until 2p.m. then waking up to get my brother from daycare, on a good day i would attend school for my gym class, radio t.v. production class and lunch!
as you can probably guess, i flunked the 9th grade. this was also when i opened my eyes and realized that my mother was an alcoholic and a drug abuser.
i also had a falling out w/ my father because he was trying to tell me how much of an ass i was making of myself. i became depressed, because i was living with a mother who seemingly had time for only my younger brother and her bad habits. after some months, my father&i reconciled and i began living with him again. i turned it around in school, but ultimately decided it wasn’t my thing 2.5 years&dropped out. finished my schooling for my diploma at CCSF and here i am.
my father is still at his job, he’s been teaching/coaching kids for 20+ years and he loves his job.
my mother? she’s homeless. she got evicted, lost my little brother to CPS, and still an addict. . .not to mention a manic depressive now. but don’t fret, we took her in and let her sleep on the couch at the crib. all she has to do is wash the dishes and do the laundry.
sorry for the long, round-about story.
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"a mom"
M.
I was very touched by your story. You seem to have come a long way in your struggles. It’s sad what happened to your mother with the drugs and alcohol but most of all losing her son your brother. We talk about fathers but sometime it can be mom’s who make bad choices and fails us as parents. But remember life gives us second chances and maybe your mom will be able to pick herself up and be the mom she missed out on.
Your dad seems to have had a good head on his shoulders and great wisdom. Even when you weren’t with him and falling out, he seemed to keep abreast of what you were doing and scoulding you when you were wrong.
Now you are doing better and your adventure is just starting. Let your experience give you the strength to soar and help teach other young people who have smilar experiences see away out . Life doesn’t always deal us a good hand. In the times we are living in. We are lucky to have one good parent.
Remember: Don’t be apologize for telling your story. It’s good for others to hear you. It’s important to you and also important to Troubl.
Hold your head up.
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