RSSAnatomy of a Gansta: Self-reflection
“For every rhyme I write is 25 to life..”
“College is the only place you can read all day, except for jail..”
In the spirit of Ghostface, pardon me, but those lines been playing in my mind all week, but uhh, back to you..
Watching “The Great Debaters” put me in a whirlwind inside my own mind.. My brain felt like it was sitting on spinners.. I felt like Chris Rock was yelling at me for hours on end.. “They spinning n***a they spinnin’!”.. That second quote is from that movie.. That struck a chord within me.. Dang near brought a tear to my eye.. That’s real.. But, I now sit in a space where I’m my own boss (except for the people that provide checks to Fuzion) and I do get to read all day if I want to.. I’m constantly reading.. I have to.. It’s my job to stay aware, and as a gangsta in my own mind (for now), I need to make sure that I’m watching without them knowing that I’m watching.. Since they think that a lot of people (general population) don’t really read, I equate reading to watching.. they’re in TROUBL..
I’m filled with emotions right now, but that’s what I love about TROUBL and blogging in general.. Journalists don’t really like bloggers, because they feel that we take the work that they’ve done, and then spin it, add emotion to it, and take credit for it while making a name for ourselves.. BS.. That’s what I call it.. So, to all you journalists that feel we’re stealing your shine? Get over it.. We wouldn’t be shining if you weren’t so dull..
Anyway, back to the point.. Self-reflection is serious.. Are we all doing enough to make a change in not only our lives, but in the lives of all of us? I know that I am now.. Reinvigorated by the opportunity in front of us, I’m trying to move mountains.. Every blog I write is liable to get me on someone’s whitelist.. In that I mean, that I’m not doing 25 to life.. Maybe I’ll get 25 hours in a cushy cell next to Lindsay Lohan.. I mean, I would only be mentioned in the blotter, because the main stories nowadays are about Brittney and whether she is bipolar and can be cured by Dr. Phil.. It’s amazing..
But not as amazing as we are.. We are too talented to sit still in what looks like a time that we should act.. Because it appears that now we are in a time that we CAN act!! I woke up this morning and turned on the TV to E!.. No jokes, cuz I have artists that I manage in that industry.. (That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it!).. But anyway, as I struggled to get up, I heard the name “Robin Thede”.. I immediately turned to look at the TV.. My college friend.. Now an entertainment reporter for E! News.. Crazy.. I knew she was acting, but didn’t know she landed that gig.. I have an old high-school friend that won the Pulitzer for his journalistic skills on Hurricane Katrina.. He now writes for the NY Times.. I have athletes that I manage that are doing big things.. Same with my artists, as they can be seen on Broadway, TV, and in your local movie theater.. I have friends that are now professors at Stanford.. A dude that’s running for President.. All of this, and we’re not working together.. We’re all cool.. All close, but we’ve concentrated on our own efforts and not on a collective effort.. In a sense, we were selfish.. We all tried to get ahead, so we put our heads down and grinded for years.. But, I’m upset because we have power now.. We can be a collective force if we join up.. We gotta look inside and reflect.. Find ways to build together.. Find our own strengths and link with those that fuze well.. But we have to know our talents.. No time to waste, or other people’s time to waste..
This year I’m leaning on all of my people’s to take stuff.. We’re joining up to work together.. We have to, because it would be a beautiful thing to follow in the steps of other gangstas.. To actually be known for something other than Generation Me or bad rap songs and videos.. To have a revolution that’s not only televised, but is televised and scripted by us.. Let TROUBL Media air it.. Doesn’t really matter to me.. I watch movies all the time about our ancestors and the struggles they went through.. I usually watch them thanking God that I wasn’t alive through those times, because I knew I’d be on the front line.. Screaming “pop off son, pop off” (y’all gotta watch Bad Girls Club on Oxygen.. laugh at me if you want, but this fat chick from BK is hilarious in a I Love New York type of way).. I always watched those movies and said “it wouldn’t be me”.. I always felt I’d be more Malcolm X than Martin.. Felt I would slap the mess out of a dog that was sicked on me.. Then punch that dude in the “thoat”.. Would face 25 to life, but would flee to Cuba to chill w/ Assata.. But those are all fantasies.. But I feel like my life needs more purpose.. I need to be a part of a revolution.. I need to not only follow in the steps of other gangsta, I need to walk in them.. Then I need to make my own steps.. I don’t know why it all hit me now.. At least from a standpoint to actually act on those thoughts, cuz I have always had them in me.. But, I’m glad it’s here..
Maybe it was the reflection in the mirror that caught me..
14 Comments, Comment or Ping
Diana
Really good post. I feel you 100%. I think we all reach a point in our lives where we are desperately seeking our purpose and what we stand for. It’s unfortuante that most people in this world don’t have that collective frame of mind. The average American is too busy worrying about themselves and not too concerned with things outside their reality. I think TROUBL media really contradicts that frame of mind because it is based on a collective group all interested in making change. No matter how or on what level that change is promoted, atleast the individual knows that he/she is part in making a difference. Change is hard and I’ll be the first to admit that self discovery along with that is a little frightening, but just think how much more frightening it is to never be able to discover ones own purpose..
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Malia
WOW!!!!! Spectacular piece Q
——- you stir up emotions in me and make me want to dream BIG! Dreams can only come true if we take a leap of faith and courage to make them come true, and this piece has given me and introspective look into myself and changed my thought process…….encouraging and challenging me to make wise and calculated choices essential to my purpose.
I’ll keep my dreams to myself ((for now)), but please belive they WILL come to fruition!!!!
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Felicia
It’s a beautiful notion Q……but don’t make me say it out loud. Black people don’t help each other/black people don’t stick together/and black people damn sure don’t elevate each other professionally. Look at Boosy and all his posts, whether he’s kidding or not, it definitely shows that he is in a different class than the general population and he keeps saying hate, hate, hate….as if he’s not taking any of us working class losers with him. So where does that leave us?
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Malia
I feel you girl. It’s really sad, what does it stem from? Jealousy??? Crab in the bucket mentality???
I think one problem is that we all want respect but dont know how to earn it. Some of us would rather be feared than respected.
Another problem in the black community is that we can be way too arrogant. When we become successful we want to compare our success w/ others. Sometimes we compare our success with peeps that are less fortunate than we are and then we hold it over their heads like some kind of trophy. Sometimes it seems like alot of black folks HATE seeing others do better than them.
The truth is that we are our worse enemy. We need to stop having beef amongst ourselves!!!!! It’s STUPID!!!!!! Like Q said in his post,
“……..we should be joing up joining up to work together.. We have to, because it would be a beautiful thing to follow in the steps of other gangstas.. To actually be known for something other than Generation Me or bad rap songs and videos.. To have a revolution that’s not only televised, but is televised and scripted by us.. Let TROUBL Media air it……….”
It’s never too late change! ((uh-oh, I’m jumping on Obama’s catch phrase))
I did get one good piece of advice from Dr. Phil, though. He said, “If you want everything to change——-you have to change EVERYTHING!”….lol Kudos for Dr. Phil!
[Reply]
LoverOfPeace
Collectively, we are suffering from diseases more than any other race. We have higher incidences of hypertension, diabetes, fibroids, prostate cancer, breast cancer, HIV and AIDS, and I think we should use our collective voice to be heard in areas that affect our daily lives.
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ChiCity Star
Many people in the Black community have managed to work their way to the top and well done to them, but what about those left behind? Should the fruits of their labour be shared out equally among their less fortunate peers?
I work hard for mine….((please don’t take it as me being selfish or cocky))
[Reply]
Malia
No of course not ChiCity, I’m not saying that someone else can ride your coattails without putting in the sweat, this debate is potentially never ending, but once you make it to the corner office with a great view don’t go hire Buffy to be your assistant!!! Shaquita is just as experienced!!!!
[Reply]
Q.
thanks to all of you for the comments..
it’s so difficult.. i’m a fairly young dude, and i had a rough end to my 2007 based on some employee stuff.. certain individuals are no longer with us, based on foolishness.. people had me confused for a bit.. yeah, i’m young.. yeah, i’m Black.. but some of them thought that i was also stupid.. our own people.. dang near tried to bring me and the company down.. it hasn’t changed my thought process of hiring my own people, but it has placed me in a difficult position.. while we have the innate ability to be gangstas, we also have that innate skill set to hate and tear each other apart..
but i survived, and in the first 2 weeks of the new year, i landed 3 new clients.. but i knew that i probably wouldn’t have if i had to keep babysitting individuals who had a different agenda..
on the flip side, i met TROUBLman through a good relationship.. i heard about his passion, and almost a year ago invited him to my company’s anniversary and my birthday party.. i knew he was onto something, and i believe that he believed in Fuzion as well.. now we have this interface that is just the tip of the iceberg.. so, i know that we can make things happen, if people get real and get real serious.. shoot, it was 7 something this morning and we were emailing each other about business..
Felicia, i feel you, but we just have to find those that we work well with.. i’m on some “i’m giving it 2 weeks, and if it ain’t working, i’m out” stuff this year.. i spent too much time on nonsense last year.. i built a relationship with a powerful Black man, and even introduced him to a dude that people believe runs hip-hop.. this powerful man (who just happens to lead one of the most well known Black institutions) basically ished on me and this hip-hop dude that gets mentioned on this site.. he didn’t realize he was doing it, but he was.. he looked at me, and assumed i was raised in the suburbs because my resume didn’t read “South Side of Chicago”.. said some things about my people (not literally, but he might as well have) and even did it in this place that the hip-hop dude built.. i mean, we had the spot opened up just for him.. tour and all.. he even got into a verbal tete a tete with my VP.. so, we had to go our separate ways.. and it hurt.. but i wasted dang near 6 months trying to get this “proud institution” to a place that it was relevant to people under the age of 40.. and didn’t get paid a cent for it.. dang, i see i’m still bitter.. lol.. but i’m still building..
ChiCity.. i do feel it’s my responsibility to give back.. to a certain extent.. for me, it can be as simple as the clients i have.. i don’t charge much to people that i appreciate.. but the Pfizers and Nikes of the world? you best believe i’m charging what those other agencies charge.. when i go home to Chicago, i don’t charge for speaking engagements.. that’s my home.. they made me.. other spots? yeah, you best believe i’m not reducing my fee.. i say that, just to say that we all can find ways to give back that aren’t necessarily financial.. cuz i’m keeping mine.. i told people i’ll never go back to being broke.. if it’s between me and you, it’s gotta be me!! but that’s when it gets down to the nitty gritty..
[Reply]
KK
Nice Post, I wish that More people could wake up and feel that way. This is so important for all people in their lives…Each man and woman has to find this on their own. That is the issue, no one can lead you there…
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Gii
Speechless.
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Felicia
I’m sorry that happened to you Q. Was the dude sloshed????? I too have invested time and effort into people that have ished on me as well and I guess that’s why I have such a negative stance. It’s not intentional, but like you—I guess I’m still bitter.
A recurrent theme in my life this year is that of crossroads. It seems many of us are at the juncture in life where we are asking ourselves “Which way do I go?” Some of us have recently embarked on new paths and, unfortunately, are dealing with what Malia called the “crabs in a barrel” mentality from well meaning friends, family and business associates. It makes me just want to fly solo for a while and then maybe I’ll start the “two week” test that you prescribed above.
[Reply]
Malia
It’s sad isn’t it? I mean I definitely understand what it feels like to be ished!! I have my own personal chorus of family members, friends, and random passerbys who offer their unsolicited advice as to why I should not follow the path I have chosen. Those wonderful words of wisdom *yes, I’m being facetious* which are usually followed up with why I WILL FAIL– my crabs in the barrel do their best to keep the one little crab (ME) from diverging from the path of the “masses” of crabs.
After having voiced my own plans for my immediate future, my personal Crabs in the barrel chimed in loud and clear!!!! That’s why I don’t speak on it anymore and keep the desires of my heart myself!
To those of you out there who are suffering from the effects of Crabs in the Barrel, I say this to you: Shut them out!!!
Your path is your own. There is no such thing as failure when choosing to walk the path that is right for you!!!
To give in to the crabs in the barrel is to live a life of regret!!!!!
I guess you’ve figured out which path I plan to follow!!!!
[Reply]
ChiCity Star
[Grand Puba Maxwell]
God Cipher Divine, as I build on an incline
Quick to help another, ’cause I know I’ma get mine
Build-Powers think they hard, but they killin’ they own kind….
I feel you Q, I’m the rise and I only want to take like-minds with me. At the end of the day, I don’t care what color they are……
[Reply]
"a mom"
Q
Appreciate what you are saying. Being young and black is certainly a plus in my mind. You are the bigger picture in these times, and a part of this generation that people don’t often see. Not that there aren’t a lot of other young people out there like you, trying to do something in the world. But it seems our society focuses on the negative. I know that in my mind there are many more following in your foot steps. I have two sons that are Gansta’s/Troublmen.
[Reply]
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SEE ALSO
♦ Q - Anatomy of a Gangster: Take ‘08
January 8, 2008
♦ TROUBLMan - We Live This
November 30, 2007
♦ Q - AOG: Key Messaging
March 31, 2008
♦ SB - All By Myself
April 9, 2008
♦ C3 - Oooh, You in Trouble
November 12, 2007