RSSRebel Curls
I remember having short hair. It was curly, a little crazy looking at times, but always cute. Well, at least that’s what I thought. No one was trying to holla at me though, and I swear I overheard a group of construction workers talking about my unruly tresses in Spanish. Little did they know, I understood every word. I was extremely self-conscious about it, especially on windy days when rebel curls located at different regions on my head changed shape and position more often than I was comfortable with.
I’d reach for my mirror at least 15 times a day just to make sure my attempt at trendsetting didn’t interfere with looking presentable. I used to complain about being treated like a piece of expensive meat every time I stepped outside but all of a sudden, I had nothing to complain about. Ironically, that bothered me. Was I so unattractive with my short Curly Sue do? Of course not. I soon decided though, that I missed long hair and blamed my reason for feeling that way on society and my response from the opposite sex.
Today, you’ll see me with two twists in the front accompanied by a Pocahontas braid. People often tug on it just to see if it will detach itself. Some even go as far as digging their fingers in my roots to subdue their curiosity (I don’t agree with the finger digging at all).
Men often frown upon women who wear weaves and extensions to achieve the Rapunzel look. Maybe, they’d be more understanding if they knew the motives behind the movement. Often times, the relaxers women use to annihilate the kinky coarse texture of their natural hair produce more negative results than positive. Some of the ingredients in relaxers, like Sodium Hydroxide, can also be found in bleach, drain, oven and toilet cleaners, as well as other household cleaning supplies. Many women have suffered thinning and even hair loss due to years of relaxing their hair attempting to adhere to beauty standards set by the societal gods who embedded it in us, the idea that having hair too kinky would make you unattractive.
When trying to reach the state of ultimate beauty via hair relaxers doesn’t work, weaves and extensions more than make up for the disappointment. For years, we’ve been envious of the girls from other cultural backgrounds. We wondered how come they didn’t run away from combs or have to wear braids to keep away frizz. We could never understand why we couldn’t get our hair wet–without it curling up with the quickness. Most importantly, we didn’t have “good hair.” We had the braids and were always taught indirectly that smooth straight hair was much more beautiful than what we were born with.
Our hair was always seen as a restriction for us. We weren’t free to style our strands anyway we wanted. In addition to style restriction, our hair was never as long as we desired it to be, so we’d walk around with towels on our head pretending to have what we desperately wanted (It’s true. Tyra did a show all about the towels).
Most of the advertisements for black hair products promote the idea that kinky hair is a problem, which is something that needs to be fixed quickly. Women spend their entire lives wasting money on creams, gels, and activators that claim to be the perfect remedy. So, for reasons that date back to decades before we existed, many black women are obsessed with their tresses. And as much as I hate to say it, China’s economy probably wouldn’t be doing so well if it weren’t for black women. The same goes for India, where hair is grown to be sold. Even with the rising dependency on weaves and extensions because of the negative effects of hair relaxers, there are also women who simply wear them to try new styles and colors without having to risk the health of their natural hair.
Nowadays, it’s hard to tell who’s leading a “weavalicious “lifestyle and who’s all natural. But, I’ll confidently bet my entire bank account and say that all the video vixens and damn near every woman on every page of any “prestigious men’s magazine” is wearing hair that doesn’t belong to her.
The pressure on women to be beautiful at all times can cause us to do all sorts of things we’d choose not to discuss. Some women don’t feel attractive at all without a fresh weave. And chances are, they feel this way due to the lack of attention they’ve received from men while rocking their own short hair and the embedded society chip that forces her to be embarrassed if she’s seen without her silky smooth hair. Some say women are sellouts for not being natural. Others would say men are hypocritical in their thoughts and actions because they’ll talk about how they want a woman with real hair, but then fight in the club over who’s going to purchase the first drink for the long haired sellout.
Would it be wrong for a man to love a woman any less because her hair was purchased? I don’t think it should matter. But are women wearing weaves and extensions for style? Or, is the hair economy booming because we were brought up to silently hate our hair, spend years searching for ways to change it, (damaging it further during the search) only to end up with no other choice but to wear weaves because that’s the only way we’ll finally have “good” hair?
P.S- As for my Pocahontas braid, keep tugging on it. It won’t fall off.
23 Comments, Comment or Ping
"A Mom"
It’s so hard to see how we undermine ourselves as women. from our head to our toes. We have become so unaware of our beauty and lost in a world of what other people think about us. Most of all what the opposite sex thinks. I don’t have a problem with women who want to improve themselves with the fake hair, nails, eye lashes etc. The thing to me is that they need to understand why they go so far as to completely transfrom themselves. To me it becomes a problem when a women has to have these things in order to feel adaquate. The women that goes so far as not to be seen or feel comfortable, that she has to be completely transformed 24hrs a day. This to me is a sign of self-hate. (I have more to say. Need to get my thoughts together.
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LilMissTROUBL reply on July 14, 2008 5:11 pm:
I can’t deal with the acrylic nails for too long. Eventually, I start to feel like I have claws. Eye lashes made me look like I had spiders hanging from my eyelids. I guess being artificial just isn’t for me
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Sarah
I totally understand what youre saying. As a hispanic girl, I had trouble growing up and still do. My hair is ridiculously curly. When its straight, its very bouncy and shiny and looks as good as weave. But let it get humid, and I have this frizzball on my head. I recently decided to relax my hair. It was the worst choice I ever made because my hair snapped near the root in so many places & is totally weak when its wet. Why did this little Puerto Rican relax her hair? Because I wanted it silky straight all the time. Why? Because society said so..
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TROUBLMan reply on July 14, 2008 11:16 am:
As a black man, it’s surprising to read this because I always looked at the Puerto Rican girls as having “silky” hair. Only recently did I even consider these particular distinctions among different ethnicities. For instance, some consider jews to be the “nappy” whites. Rarely do people of color consider this, but the “good/bad hair psychology exists across the board. It’s an extension of skin tone and language biases that we’ve inherited as a society.
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TROUBLMan
Just recently, I told myself I’m sick of cute girls. By this I mean, the girls who think they’re cute. The ones who work extra hard to fit into societies mold of beauty. Most of the time they don’t even realize that’s what they do, but I realize.
It’s not a conscious thing. It’s something that’s been ingrained in blacks since slavery and perpetuated now in fashion and beauty magazine and in rap videos. I’m infected. We’re all infected by this psychology. Knowing this, I ‘ve made a point to get to know women who don’t fit the mold. I’ve made a point to meet women who make an effort to break the mode. To me, it’s this defiance that is beautiful. It a consciousness and strength that shines.
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Q. reply on July 14, 2008 6:45 pm:
cool.. more for me!!
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toy
hair is a super sensitive subject among us black women. i myself have skipped many a fun water slides due to my hair being not-so water friendly. i have a love hate relationship with my hair. i love it when it’s low maintenance and my curls are freely flowing, but i hate that it makes me look like a little kid. odd thing is that i get more attention from men when my hair is curly (and i think that men have some sordid obsession with curls and young girls) because i look a little “different”…east african is the nationality i get alot, but i like my hair straight. perhaps its a societal influence, but my hair is more manageable when it’s straight. not to mention, i’m an avid dyer, so i guess i’m stuck all up in the societal notions of what’s beautiful…do i need help? not sure. i’m not against a weave or anything that makes a woman feel more beautiful. is it for me? no. but never? i wouldn’t say that…i’m open to experimenting. men claim to not like a woman that wears a weave, but most of the time they don’t know a weave when they’re looking at one. i had a bf tell me once that he liked his women natural, like me…and at that moment, my hair was flat-ironed and dyed light brown and i had on my daytime, natural look makeup…beauty really is in the eye of the beholder!
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LilMissTROUBL reply on July 14, 2008 5:04 pm:
oh my goodness. Toy, you brought up the water slides. I honestly just go to places like Dorney Park for the Snoopy store. It’s sad. Hair really does mean a lot to us.
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SB
Sarah I feel you!!! My hair can be my best friend when it is nice and done but it can also be my arch nemesis when its curly or frizzy due to humidity!!
I went through so many fazes with my hair and it was partly because i wanted to be beautiful in society’s eyes but also because i was learning how to take care of it. I am half black and half hispanic. My mother is latina and didnt know anything about black hair when she had me so growing up there was alot of trial and error. I couldnt just use the products she used unless I was comfortable with a big puff of curls….i couldnt wear braids like my black family members or cohorts because my hair would rip out…i couldnt deal with weaves because the itching was driving me mad!…the gels that my latina friends used would not hold down my hair yet the gel that my black friends used worked so well that my hair was stiff as *ish…what was a young girl left to do…well after relaxing and witnessing the horrible after effects…i had lil options but to embrace my natural hair if i wanted any healthy hair at all
ive made some progress with my hair…i dont use chemicals, i dont use gels…but i have to ask…. i flat iron my hair…is that still considered natural?
Sidenote: I hate when men hate on black/latina women (or any other women) for wrapping their hair up at night…I never thought it was a big deal until i was called an aunt jemima once by this gerk and my feelings got hurt…and once this guy i was talking to commented on how nice my hair was and then asked “but do you wear those funky scarves at night?”…WTF im not gonna lie that ignorance stayed with me…i dont need to wear a scarf at night but i do because it helps me maintain my hair so i dont spend tons of time in the morning getting ready…to be honest im always a lil fearful of wearing my hair in a wrap at night infront of a male since then…but fortunately my bf doesnt care so i no longer have any worries…
OK, OK…longest blog ever about some damn hair but lilmisstroubl you bring it out of me!!
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TROUBLMan reply on July 14, 2008 5:07 pm:
Damn SB–aunt jemima. I feel you, but I also know how dudes feel when females wrap their hair. Y’all pay to have it done so it should stay nice for as long as possible that I understand. Still, when a dude is at home with a lady and they about to get intimate the head scarve is a distraction. Imagine if you were getting intimate with a dude and he didn’t want to take off his fitted cap. It feel like you’re not getting all of the person. I’m not hating, just giving insight into the perspective.
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LilMissTROUBL reply on July 14, 2008 5:08 pm:
That’s true. Scarves can interfere with intimacy. lmao…
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"A Mom" reply on July 14, 2008 9:10 pm:
Troulman why is it a distraction? and what about your due rag?
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"A Mom" reply on July 14, 2008 9:12 pm:
I don’t have a problem with a fitted cap. When I’m in the mood, I not thinking about a rag/cap.
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SB reply on July 19, 2008 7:44 am:
A MOM-
I have to agree with you! If I am in the mood, a scarf hat or whatever will not turn me off or prevent anything from going down!
To be honest, most times it doesn’t stay on pass first base….lol
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LilMissTROUBL reply on July 14, 2008 5:07 pm:
lol once in a while I wear those silk bonnets. Sometimes tilting them to the side to create a french look for bedtime.
I’ve been called Aunt Jemima too girl, I don’t think it hurt my feelings.. just made me laugh. I wish someone would tell me they wanted me to come to bed with my hair out and makeup on. I’d be like… “?” It’s just not happening.
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LilMissTROUBL reply on July 14, 2008 5:09 pm:
Thanks again SB!
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SB reply on July 19, 2008 8:00 am:
No prob…i love your blogs!
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Q. reply on July 14, 2008 6:51 pm:
SB, just turn the tables on us.. cats be wearing do-rags, and i KNOW they don’t be washing them joints.. going to play ball, all that.. same with them after they get fresh braids, they’ll walk around for 3 days w/ the do-rag on just “to make them last longer”, but at the same time, nobody even knows what their braids look like..
on another note, i feel TM on that comment.. since i grew up as my sister’s shadow, and i have 3 nieces, i’m VERY used to seeing them.. but at the same time, some of those scarves look like they were passed down through 4 generations.. so many holes, joint looks like one of those paper joints when u cut shapes into them w/ scissors.. (somebody help me)..
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"A Mom" reply on July 14, 2008 9:17 pm:
I like the silk scarves twisted at the handle like the African wrap. Looks nice with a little silk slip or teddy set, when you are with your man.
As long as you are clean and put together. Hey!
I do agree with Q about keeping your head rags clean.
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SB reply on July 19, 2008 7:59 am:
Q-
You are a fool!! passed down for generations tho?
Ok cleanliness is always a necessity! No budge on that. So i agree that if a chick/dudes scarf is dirty then it has to go! If it has holes in it then it should go to.
Just to defend girls with scarves…sometimes you come across a really nice scarf that wraps your hair just the way you want so you might wait until it absolutely has no get-back before you give it up…hence the holes
I know that men are visual creatures but you would think that if they’re about to get their freak on that they would have more to look at and focus on then their partners hair!
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"A Mom" reply on July 14, 2008 9:08 pm:
Aunt Jemima was a beautiful women regardless of what the white man was trying to portray her as. She had her head tied, but did you see how beatiful her face and skin was. There are ways to tie your head up that look real nice.
What about those rags men wear on their heads. Anyway! I was told that the only bad hair is if you have no hair. So all hair is good. My family was blessed with a lot of hair. My hair is about the middle of my back. Never had a perm or dye in it, but I do get it pressed with no grease. Love the way it looks and I manage it very well. Do what you want, but for yourself, no one else.
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Q.
to answer your question lilmiss (loved the blog, btw), i don’t think we care one way or another.. i saw a chick w/ a rihanna like cut, and it was a weave.. blew my mind, as i always thought about them being long in length..
the only issue i would have is if the person i was dating felt that it was the only way she looked attractive.. the lack of confidence would be my issue..
now, if i went home and she was a character from I’m Gonna Git You Sucka, then we’d have some bigger issues..
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LilMissTROUBL reply on July 14, 2008 9:34 pm:
I agree.
Thank you 
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Reply to “Rebel Curls”
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♦ TROUBLMan - Maybe I’m Crazy
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