RSSHo Huxtable
Invariably, as we trek down the road to adulthood, we must bypass our inclination to pursue foolish puppy love, and reckless lust in favor of a more stable “adult relationship.” Gone are the days when we can merely “hookup” or “tap that,” as adults we become standard bearers to the ever important idealized American dream.
Our post college years usher in the expectation of finding the RIGHT job, RIGHT neighborhood, and RIGHT person to share our 2.5 kids, dog, and house with a white picket fence. I feel I’ve cleared every hurdle in the race to adulthood (right job check, right house check), but the one box that I can’t seem to check is in the RIGHT significant other category. Now, I don’t mean this in the “hopeless romantic pining for love” kind of way, my challenge is much greater than that.
I shamelessly admit that I am the product of the BET-fueled over sexualization of America. As such, I hold a woman’s “inner-freak” and nice “ghetto booty” in the same esteem that I hold her Bachelors in Political Science. Stupid? Yes. Sophomoric? I’ll be the first to admit it. But I don’t think my plight is that different from what many other young professionals are experiencing. We are a culture that glorifies sexual prowess, and as a result the ability to “break someone off” is just as noteworthy as scoring a perfect 800 on your SAT verbal. Nonetheless, the ever present cautionary tale told to people such as myself is “You can’t turn a h* into a housewife.”
While logic tells me to find my Claire Huxtable, years of media brainwashing tell me I need to get with that girl on the cover of XXL. The question I pose to those in my generation is, “Can we turn the h* into the housewife?” Will the video vixen ever be able to become the soccer mom?
I think this problem first requires us to redefine male and female promiscuity. What amount of sexual “experience” qualifies a female for whoredom as opposed to her male counterpart? If the number of partners one has dictates whether or not they are worthy of marriage, then I suggest women avoid me like the plague. (I’m damaged goods) But that’s not the case. As an attractive, young, African American male with advanced degrees who comes from “the right kind of people,” I’m every talented “tenthers’” wet dream.
Additionally, I was raised on the maxim: “You don’t judge a book by its cover”. Just because someone prefers to dress scantily and has had their fair share of partners, doesn’t mean there is no substance to them. What if their style of dress and promiscuity are the byproduct of some deep rooted issue? What if they have abandonment issues or were somehow sexually victimized as a child? This may seem like a stretch, but should I really disregard a woman and label her beyond redemption based on her style of dress and sexual track record?
Finally, what about the whole concept of redemption? If I have so much going for me, who is to say that I may not be able to positively influence my female friend? Or better yet, who is to say she won’t change herself? Biblically, it has been suggested that Mary Magdalane wasn’t the most chaste of women (although this is a matter of some debate). Nonetheless, she is one of the Bible’s most inspirational success stories, and the moral of her story is that regardless of background, people aren’t beyond redemption.
In confronting my destiny of achieving the much romanticized nuclear family, must I turn a blind eye to women who are “used up” and “beneath” me? Is it impossible to dream that one day I will pull up in my Volvo to my picket fenced house only to be greeted by my 2.5 kids and an apron clad Angel Lola Luv? Dare I dream, or is it simply impossible to turn a h* into a housewife?
28 Comments, Comment or Ping
Q.
hell nah, you can’t turn a ho into a housewife.. i don’t want that chick fixing my food with her nasty hands.. i’m good..
i’m just sayin’..
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TROUBLMan reply on July 2, 2008 7:59 am:
Damn Q. What if she carry round hand sanitizer? For real though, do you believe the same in reverse? Can men change their ways and be loyal and loving husbands?
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Q. reply on July 2, 2008 8:11 am:
nah.. i don’t want no parts of that.. cuz i feel that people tend to stay true.. i guess maybe it would be some insecurity within myself.. cuz i would be like “why me?”.. why she settle down with me? what if this “next” dude come through, would she revert to her old ways?
i also feel that a man will be a man as well.. if he’s a dog, he’ll always be that dog.. now, that’s not to say he won’t treat her right, but i think he probably would continue with his ways.. he might be smarter, but i doubt he’ll fully change..
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"A Mom" reply on July 2, 2008 10:42 am:
I dated a man from the suburbs who was just divorced. He was married to a Hoes. Come to finds out at the little league games I went to with him and his son, a lot of that was going around. Most of the mothers and fathers of the children were hoes. Everybody was sleeping with each other and all of them had good jobs, beautiful houses 2.5 children and 2 cars etc.
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SB reply on July 2, 2008 8:29 am:
Q- you are hilarious but very harsh as well…you dont believe in second chances?
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Q. reply on July 2, 2008 8:46 am:
i guess i’m not a firm believer that you can spend the bulk of your life being one way, and then all of a sudden change your ways for life.. especially as it relates to being a ho.. i’ve seen dudes be criminals and then turn it around, but they still have those tendencies.. maybe it’s just me and seeing this through how i see myself.. there are certain things that i know i will always do (good or bad), and while i may try to change it, when push comes to shove, i’ll be the same..
but a ho has longevity in dog years.. i’m just sayin’.. 1 year is like 7.. chick is 23, but is dang near 69.. (don’t worry about my math)..
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TROUBLMan reply on July 2, 2008 9:02 am:
I agree, but I will say having a tendency doesn’t make you something. Acting on that tendency does. A girl I used to deal with always used to tell me that I’m most likely a reformed ho. She didn’t really know my past, but judged me because she knew I had the tendency to holla. According to her assumption that tendency made me a ho.
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SB reply on July 2, 2008 10:32 am:
You dont believe in enlightenment? or some supernatural force or an extremely bad experience can a change a person? You should watch the lifetime channel…
LMAO the a ho has longevity in dog years…why cant you just consider a ho or previous ho a sexual expert or professional? She may not have references and a resume but she can hold it down in the bedroom…isnt that equally as important in a partner?
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Q. reply on July 2, 2008 11:25 am:
ok, maybe i’m not thinking along the same lines as most of you.. i’m talking about a ho.. not a video chick or anything like that.. an undeniable ho.. chick servicing multiple dudes for a long period of time.. i can say more detailed things, but i ain’t trying to go there..
there is nothing about that, that i can see as being something i can change.. i don’t know if there is enough anointing oil for that.. some people can deal with that.. but i think it would take a lot of patience and understanding, which is obviously something i would lack.. if my boy came to me with the stripper that got ran through by the whole NFL and NBA, umm, i’m getting the baby powder ready..
i’m sure she can hold it down in the bedroom, lol, but so can a lot of other women.. that’s def’ important to me, but i’ll pass on the ho, and take the woman that may have learned some things from that ho or the lifetime channel.. or oxygen..
i’m just sayin’..
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"A Mom" reply on July 2, 2008 12:28 pm:
I agree there is a difference.
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Alwayswrite reply on July 2, 2008 11:43 am:
You know, Q., many people make the same argument about the Black Culture. What is your reply to that? Can we not change? Have you given up on us already? Think…
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Q. reply on July 2, 2008 12:17 pm:
man, i been gave up on y’all Black ppl!!
but nah, i don’t think the argument is the same.. a ho is a ho.. ain’t no other way around that.. a white person is a white person.. Black is Black.. that’s there.. i can’t wake up tomorrow and be white.. not happening.. with the culture, we’re so diverse, so i’m not really sure what you are talking about.. some parts of our culture is what it is and won’t change.. you gon’ have niggas on the corner doing nothing, in the same breath you’ll dudes on Wall Street doing what they do.. a culture is much more diverse than an individual.. so many facets of a culture.. a ho is a ho.. she/he can stop being a ho all they want, but they ain’t turning into the perfect gentleman or a housewife..
y’all can try if y’all want, but i’m just trying to say “don’t waste your time”.. harsh, cold, whateva.. i’m not saying i don’t like hoes or anything like that.. i love hoes, too.. just cuz i love people (except y’all Black people!), but i ain’t bringing them home to momma.. or maybe it’s also cuz i know she bringing about 4 different STDs that ain’t changing..
or maybe i’m just talking ish.. bottom line, i ain’t spending time on shaping or molding a ho into a housewife, cuz it’s hard enough to just find “that one” to begin with..
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"A Mom" reply on July 2, 2008 12:35 pm:
Alwayswrite
People say the same about the white culture as well. Can they change? Your point is well taken but, can’t hardly be compared.
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Diana reply on July 2, 2008 4:47 pm:
I think this situation is more than second chances. I am all about giving people a second chance as long as I feel and trust in my heart that they are serious about whatever the issue may be. In this case though, it’s more about changing someone and I feel as though it’s very hard for a person to change. When you are getting into a lifelong relationship with someone else, you want to trust completely that they will never hurt or betray you. Marriage these days already has so many temptations and hurdles, so why would you want to get into it with some guy or girl who has those tendencies. That’s my take and I kinda feel that Q’s saying the same thing..
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TROUBLMan
This a tough one. Do I believe people can change? Yes. So therefore, I believe a ho can become a housewife. Still, there’s something to say about an individual who’s overly promicuous. At some level, or at some point in their life they’ve lacked respect for themselves. If they really are about change they have to acknowledge this fact. They have to dig inside and answer why they represented themselves that way. They have to understand that for many reasons, it’s not cool to be on some “ho-shit.” And of course, they have stop celebrating, as the author calls it, “whoredom.” Whether it be on T.V. or their friends and family they can’t celebrate whoredom. Anything less is not change, but rather a dormant ho stage. If these steps aren’t taken, eventually, the ho inside will come out.
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SB
I dunno i think this really depends on the individual…after talking about it with a group of friends we came to the conclusion that it depends on what type of hoe.
Is this hoe someone that was getting paid for their services? If they are, then they are more likely to change into a housewife if presented with the right person. A person can always change occupations.
Is this hoe someone that is not being paid and just sleeping around frequently? If so, they are less likely to become a housewife because their promiscuity is a lifestyle. Their sexual behavior is filling a void in thier life- its hard to change someones lifestyle! In this case it would take something a little more drastic-maybe finding some sort of religion.
I believe both types of how can become housewives because people change. People get older and wiser (in most cases).
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TROUBLMan reply on July 2, 2008 8:49 am:
What if the fact that they were being paid for sex afforded them a certain type of lifestyle. Many women and some men do well for themselves having sex. A change in income is a change in lifestyle.
I do agree that the sexual behavior of someone who’s not being paid is about filling a void. In these instances, the change comes not from having less sex but from filling that void. If we say these people can never change then we’re saying we can never fill the voids in our own lives.
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SB reply on July 2, 2008 10:29 am:
your right TM…being paid will afford them a certain lifestyle but in a different way. They may have the money to support their tangible lifestyle but not emotional or psychological …i just think a significant pay cut is easier to undergo than filling a void.
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"A Mom"
I think it can happen. A person can change. But in the end it’s all in your mind. When you with that person you always going to keep their past in your mind. You have to except that person for what they are now or you will always judge them.
Secondly Jesus didn’t Judge. If he had things would be quite different.(Sorry I had to day that). If this is not what you want as a mate investigate.
Finally nowaday. What is really a ho? Some think if you had a lot the relationships your branded. That not always the case. Men can sleep with a nation and marry a nice girl and live happily ever after, but flip the switch and nobody wants to touch her.
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LilMissTROUBL reply on July 2, 2008 12:12 pm:
and this is why I have given up fighting in the war of double standards. I have to be *perfect* in my relationship if I want it to work. A man can make 1,000 mistakes. We’re supposed to forgive him, possibly clean up after him… fix the problems in ways only we know how… If we mess up just one time, we will never hear the end of it. That’s just the way it is. The problem is though, when a woman has a mediocre kind of man. Then she feels like her being ultra faithful, devoted,and honest is not worth it. & it isnt if thats truly the case. I seriously think I need to be a relationship counselor or something… or at least write a book with a jazzy title, packed with love advice because relationships are my favorite topic.
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SB reply on July 2, 2008 12:32 pm:
Lilmisstroubl…
Once again you have been reading my mind…there is a double standard in society between men and women but its important not to let those invade your relationship. We have to hold men to the same standard we hold ourselves because if not youll be unhappy…you will feel like your giving it 110% and hes giving a measley 50%. Youll start to develop irritation, disappointment and resentment if you dont….believe me i know!
Love, romance, relationships, sex are my fav topics too…i guess its the girly-girl in us..
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LilMissTROUBL reply on July 2, 2008 2:20 pm:
yea!
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TROUBLMan reply on July 2, 2008 1:44 pm:
LilMissTROUBL
I feel you completely. There is a double standard. As a young man, I try to rid my mind of it but its hard. I won’t lie, I used to be quick to label a girl a ho, but then give my homies props for slaying something. The way I learned how to see past the double standard was to begin to call both my homies and fast chicks hoes.
And your’e also right when you talk about women not feeling like it’s worth it to be faithful to a mediocre man. That shit irks me. Rich dudes get away with murder and they wives stick tight, ala Kobe Bryant. Let a dude with a regular job upset his girl in any fashion and watch her slide to the next dude.
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Q. reply on July 2, 2008 12:33 pm:
see, i guess i’m labeling a ho in the traditional sense.. not a woman that has cheated or had sex with a couple of dudes.. i also look at it in terms of both men and women.. so, to me, a ho is that man/woman that is out there sleeping with any and everything that moves.. good and bad..
if the article is just about some video vixen, etc, then my comments are not relevant..
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TROUBLMan reply on July 2, 2008 2:05 pm:
Many video vixens are hoes too. To me, a ho is a man or a women who is easy, will cheat, don’t give a damn who they fuck, has a casual attitude when it comes to using protection and has no sense of intimacy when it comes to sex. If he or she does these things over a period of time and they become a part of his or her character than he or she is a ho.
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LilMissTROUBL
Well, coming from a “housewife” perspective. These hoes make it harder for the right men to find us. Because women shouldnt initially chase men, of course. Some guys are so busy looking for face value that they end up with someone who lacks the beautiful qualities that go into the perfect housewife. Not to say that unattractive females are more beautiful on the inside, but there has to be a balance. Shoot… I’m beautiful.
And honestly, most hoes have ugly insides. Literally and figuratively. 
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LilMissTROUBL
This was a really great article by the way.
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"A Mom" reply on July 2, 2008 12:37 pm:
I agree. Love it when we get to talken. Lets get more voices out there.
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Reply to “Ho Huxtable”
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