RSSShe’s Your Girl?
She’s your girl… She always has your back. She’s the person that you turn to when you have a problem. She’s the single person that knows all of your secrets. Yet, she’s your biggest competition. She’s your “Frenemy.”
A Frenemy is a person who appears to be your friend, but is actually your enemy. She stays close to your side pretending that she wants the best for you, but in reality, she can’t wait for you to fail. Granted, she does care about you and she’ll be there to pick up the pieces when they fall. Because she genuinely wants the best for you…as long as your best is worse than hers.
Competition is instilled in us. From the time that we start school, we’re taught to be the smartest, the fastest, and the best. It’s only natural that our competition be someone that’s close to us and has similar goals. A Frenemy thinks: “She’s my best friend, if she can be a college graduate, a model, or a mom, then so can I. But, I can be better!”
Jealousy is a natural feeling and, with most friends, it is fast fleeting, but with your “Frenemy” it lingers and the jealousy turns into…what else? Hate, hate, hate. And you’re friend through thick and thin is now you’re number one hater.
So, what’s the solution to handling your Frenemy? Do you shoot her the deuces and perpetuate the stereotype that women can’t handle being good friends with each other? Or, do you try to salvage your relationship? Perhaps you ask and think if you’ve been a Frenemy to her as well? If the answer is no, think long and hard before you make a decision. And remember the good old saying, “Keep your friends close, and your Frenemies closer.”
18 Comments, Comment or Ping
Lag
Frenemies are a strange phenomenon. I’ve definitely had a few myself, and it’s tough to realize when you’re treating someone like that or letting yourself be treated like that. The worst realization to have is that almost every single time, the frenemy relationship is brought on by, what else? A man! Or if not a single man, competition over men in general! It’s sick that we do it to ourselves, but women in this country are taught that men are the ultimate thing that we must have, and we compete over them. It’s terrible that we debase ourselves so much that we end up hating friends if they get the man we want, or a man who is more attractive, more attentive, or more successful. Ladies, stand up! If you realize you have a frenemy because of men, try to make yourself calm down. Look at the traits that made you friends with your girl in the first place, and focus on them.
[Reply]
Q.
in my opinion, you run.. fast and far.. but before distancing yourself, you’ll probably need to be prepared to have your story straight, cuz he/she will probably put all your business out there.. but i think it’s better to cut the ties, rather than keep him/her around your business.. we all have long lives (hopefully) to live, so she can just be the prelude or a few introductory chapters to your life story..
i’m just sayin’..
[Reply]
TROUBLMan reply on June 28, 2008 9:59 am:
Q,
Exactly. For the reasons sated above, I make sure to get in good with my girl’s Frenemy. I want access to all the dirt. Most of the time, she’ll know better not to snitch, but if you’re in good with her and catch her slippin, She’ll spill all the beans.
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"A Mom"
I have a few frenemies. One I think really is a true friend. I think she has more envy than jealousy.
My other friend that I have known since I was 12 Yrs. that use to live next door to me. Well she is definitely a frenemie. I have in the past few years divorced her from my life. She has always been negative about all my other friends especially male friends. She never liked anyone and still talks about people we knew in High School. She can’t let go of the past and gives off very bad energy. I can no longer stand her in my space. I do feel that I have been a good friend to her and always has wished her well. It’s time to move on.
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TROUBLMan reply on June 28, 2008 10:17 am:
I noticed that also. Most of the Frenemies I know can’t let go of the past. They hate on people from ten years back. They bring up old shit; and, they never allow people to change and grow. To me, this is a reflection of themselves. Subconsciously, they feel like they’ve passed their prime. They haven’t did much soul searching and grown themselves and want others to stay in the personal rut they are stuck in.
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"A Mom"
Toy,
Good subject. Something I never really considered “Frenemies.”
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SB
I hate people that come off as friends but they are some jealous mo-fo’s trying to see you how you do…so they can try do it better. I think a certain level of competition in certain areas of friendships can be healthy because you are pushing each other to be better- but a frenemy is something completely different. I think jealousy is natural but it has to be supressed especially with people you claim to love and care about.
It was hard for me to find real friendships with people of the same sex who were not jealous but once i did, i held on to them…sorry to say…i have more guy friends than girl friends because i realized that females can be some jealous creatures…
[Reply]
Talisman
Don’t have any “Frenemies” but then again, all of my guy friends (only got a few) got they head right. If they did come at me with that kind of attitude, I’d embarrass the hell out of them (everybody tells me all they ish), then put them out in the cold (social oblivion). If they want to put my stuff out there, go ahead. Ain’t no shame in my game.
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"A Mom"
Sometimes the friend that we think is not your best friend really is and visa versa.
I had a friend who died very young a few years ago. I didn’t realize how much she cared for me until she was gone.
I really miss hear. No matter how mad she made me. She was always there I took it the wrong way.
Sometimes I think about her and I would give a lot to have her back.
“I cry”
[Reply]
Nina Parks
It seems to me that men have sports as an out let for their competitive spirit and women who are expected to be naturally less agressively competitive have what…. shopping…cleaning… now, some sports… what outlets do women really have to channel their comptitive energy in a healthy manner?
[Reply]
TROUBLMan reply on June 28, 2008 10:12 am:
Women have access to the same outlets as men. Many of my female friend are involved in sports. To me, the difference lies in the social roles ascribed to men and women. In our patriarchal society, men a promoted as being the prize. Women subconsiously adhere to this notion and compete against one another. case in point, marriage. Yes, women want to get married because they want to feel loved and feel secure, but marriage for women is more than just that. Marriage has become about showing off your ring to your friends. It’s become, who’s wedding was more extravagant, and whose man makes more money. At the end of the day, our patriarchal society has created a world where women struggle with all types of insecurities. The only way many women know how to substantiate their worth is by comparing themselves to women who are doing worse.
[Reply]
Gii
I learned that the whole being jealous thing is lack of self-confidence. I mean, I’m young but still get to have people trying to see what I do, how I do, who I’m with acting as if they’re just being “there for me”. I don’t think that not having a field where women can express their competitive spirit is actually the problem, I mean, I’m always trying to kill it at school, at work, in the gym… I don’t know, it could be.. I think being competitive is in every human being, as stated in the blog, but people can choose to develop that bad trait or develop their skills, who they are and automatically their confidence; people can choose whether they’ll be taking care of other people’s business or just do their own thing, you know? For me, it’s all about confidence, so that’s what I try to get busy with. Try to watch myself, and not watch the others. And if they acting like they’re with me, but they’re against me, I just make sure I let them think I’m doing poorly, because obstacles in life are never on shortage, so having minus one person paying attention on me is the best I can do.
[Reply]
simone
I definitely have one of those. It’s kind of like an abusive relationship. I stay because well, I dont trust too many females and I figure I won’t find anyone I “kinda sorta” trust anymore than I do, her. I’ll compliment her on her nails and ask her where she got them done. She won’t tell me. I don’t like that, man. I don’t like that one bit.
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TROUBLMan
My ex-girlfriend had a Frenemy. I didn’t realize she was a Frenemy at first, but the more I got to know her I saw silently sabotaging our relationship . We became real close and although I thought she would spill the beans on my ex, she never did, which I respect. Still, I recognized the silent sabotage continue. Because she never exposed my ex’s dirt, my ex grew more comfortable doing dirt. Ultimately it backfired and they both looked shady to me.
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"A Mom"
I don’t think all Frenemies are conscious of the things they might do. Sometimes they do things because they don’t want to lose a friend and may do the wrong thing. I don’t really consider some as frenemies just a freind that might envy who you are and what you have. I might be wrong.
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TROUBLMan reply on June 28, 2008 10:20 am:
From my experience, most aren’t conscious of their ways, that’s why the call you their friend. Still, when you consistently hate, or steer your “friends” in the wrong direction than you’re a Frenemy.
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"A Mom" reply on June 28, 2008 4:35 pm:
Those you let go of because once they mess you up. On they go doing the thing and you left alone.
[Reply]
Eb
Right on point!
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