TROUBL

TROUBL is blessed to have some of the most progressive, funny and cool online. If you’ve been tuned into the conversation, you know what I’m saying. If not, here’s an instant replay of some of the recent discussions we’ve had.

Q
i’ve been hit by 2 women in relationships.. i’m not going to say i was abused, because it didn’t go down like that.. 1 girl in college just caught me in my apartment.. right in a tight hallway.. she wil’d out and caught me with a right hook.. i rolled with it, so i didn’t take it flush.. i remember laughing like “oh shit, she caught me”.. i immediately yoked her up, but that was in defense, cuz i wasn’t about to catch another one.. no way, no how.. she got her lucky punch in, and that was that.. i didn’t abuse her, but i did my best to place the fear of God in her.. in another situation (after we broke up), she busted into my apartment (one of my guests let her in), and i was with my current girl..

i immediately had some flashbacks, esp’ as she made a move for my current girl.. i remember placing my hands on her (not with fists), and i wasn’t proud of it.. i grabbed her neck.. i lost it for a sec.. ended up lifting her up (as i just immediately was trying to protect my girl) and throwing her out the crib.. i didn’t realize what i was doing, but i saw the look on the eyes of both females (not the chick i threw out), and knew i was dead wrong..

that was the last time i placed my hands on a woman like that.. i also saw (within my own family) the domestic stuff.. my close friends as well.. when i look back, i realize that i lost it, but i didn’t hurt her, which i was proud of.. i scared the ish out of everyone who didn’t know i had that side in me, but i had to grow up..

in another relationship, i had a chick throw stuff at me.. that was the extent of the violence.. at this point, ain’t none of that ish happening.. i’m glad to say, at that point, we were all younger.. we were all going through issues.. now? sheeit.. i’ma give someone a look, and that’s it.. come close, you will get gripped up.. i’m not punching, but i ain’t taking abuse either.. give me my 3 feet, and we’re good.. talk all the nonsense you want, just don’t touch me.. within 3 feet, it’s my right to create that safe distance that i appreciate..

i’m not for anyone putting their hands on women, but i’m on that Chris Rock “i understand”.. some women take it too far.. some women really feel that they can take men.. more power to them.. those women, sad to say it, deserve a nice dose of reality..

it’s harder now to even intervene in situations where you see a women getting abused in public.. all of my instincts say to stop it, but i’ve seen dudes get mopped up for stepping in by both the dude and the girl.. for some reason it was cool for her to take that abuse, but she wasn’t willing to let someone else come in and help her out.. crazy..

• …Between Love & Hurt

Enraptured
To sir Atheist,

Which way do you look when the ground starts trembling hard?

Who made it?

Sir Isaac Newton had a friend who, like himself, was a great scientist; but he was an infidel, while Newton was a devout Christian. They often discussed their views concerning God, as their mutual interest in science drew them much together. Newton had a skillful mechanic make him a replica of our solar system in miniature. In the center was a large gilded ball representing the sun, and revolving in proper order around this were small balls fixed on the ends of arms of varying lengths, representing Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune. These bails were so geared together by cogs and belts as to move in perfect harmony when turned by a crank.

One day, as Newton sat reading in his study with his mechanism on a large table near him, his infidel friend stepped in. Scientist that he was, he recognized at a glance what was before him. Stepping up to it, he slowly turned the crank, and with undisguised admiration watched the heavenly bodies all move with their relative speeds in their orbits. Standing off a few feet he exclaimed,

“My! What an exquisite thing this is! Who made it?”

Without looking up from his book, Newton answered, “Nobody!”

Quickly turning to Newton, the infidel said, “Evidently you did not understand my question. I asked who made this?”

Looking up now, Newton solemnly assured him that nobody made it, but that the aggregation of matter so much admired had just happened to assume the form it was in. But the astonished infidel replied with some heat, “You must think I am a fool! Of course somebody made it, and he is a genius, and I’d like to know who he is.”

Laying his book aside, Newton arose and laid a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “This thing is but a puny imitation of a much larger system whose laws you know, and I am not able to convince you that this mere toy is without a design and maker; yet you profess to believe that the great original from which the design is taken has come into being without either designer or maker! Now tell me by what sort of reasoning do you reach such an incongruous conclusion?”

The infidel was at once convinced and became a firm believer that “Jehovah, He is God.”

• Naysayers

TROUBLdMami
I will have to agree with Troublsome…in the African American community pride hinders progress. Everyone wants to ball and stunt, before they put in the 24/7 grind or hustle…And grind and hustle doesn’t mean slangin or hangin on the block–fast money…it could mean working at McDonald’s, being a janitor, or housecleaning…but most aren’t ready for that…patience is a fuckin virtue…Then, its what we accept…we can continue to settle and bicker and bitch, or we can put our pride aside and do what it takes to make ourselves better as indviduals, then trickle that knowledge we gain to our children, so we can build more positive communities…Thats another thing, almost every other culture are more communal than the African American community…we need to want more as a whole and not just ’self’…we need to understand the dollar not just on a day to day basis, or just as a paycheck, but as investments… stop tryna stay up with the joneses or have 22’s before you purchase a house, before you invest in stock, before you put money in a cd for you family…When are we going to stop bitching about ‘who’s holdin us down!’…But, instead find a way up ourselves…make a way…We have to start projecting for our great great great great great great great grandchildren…

• Still Slaves…

TROUBLdMami
SB, I would feel VERY outta pocket if its my man and another man…I deserve to be shot..lol…Furthermore, I would question my man’s sexual orientation…It would not turn me on seeing two grown, hairy, sweaty men bumpin they nuts together……HELL TO THA NAW!!!!!!!!!!!!! (no offense to anyone, because I love everyone, but I’m just sayin…)

• Three’s Company

That Jawbreaker You Cant Get To The Middle Of
Well this is not for those that are not adult and secure.

I have done threesomes and it was cool. It only works with those that can be real and honest about who they are and what bothers them or not. It is a matter of open play. it is unselfish adult fun.

Because most people cannot be real about themselves and understand themselves that have a severe issue with this or they do it the wrong way.

it is a sexual act concerning sexual desire or fantasy or whatever.

Just like with everything else with in relationships if you don’t talk
and support each other it is a damn mess. As with most people in this country there is a large stigma on sexuality because of society being repressed with sex.

It is an adventure to be partaken by adults who are looking to enjoy, add spice and whatever. It is a wonderful and pleasurable experience

• Three’s Company

Lag
I have had very interesting experiences in my life with pretty much the exact opposite: I am a white girl who has lived in mostly black neighborhoods for years. First I lived in the Bronx near Fordham for years, and now I live in Hamilton Heights in Harlem. Almost all my neighbors are black. It’s difficult to know how to “be myself” in my neighborhood because I am never sure what people might find offensive. I try to just be authentic in my conversation and not let myself get tripped up with slang or anything, but I find myself watching what I say and how I act so much that I end up NOT being myself. The worst part of this is that then I start to feel silly and end up not even talking to anyone, which makes me seem like “the snobby white girl” on the block!

• “Obama-black”

KP
Listen, it’s easy for black folk to get caught up in the everyday criticisms, analyzing every commercial and comment out of the white man’s mouth. Lets not forget that no matter where you’re from, the people who are most versatile adapt to all environments. Notice I said ‘adapt,’ and not ‘assimilate.’ They’re the same thing. Black folk have this thing against the word assimilate. I don’t blame you. When I hear the word, I immediately think about acting white, acting unlike myself, straight corniness. But adapting to your environment, whether it be at work, with your girlfriends friends, or in another country trying to communicate with people who don’t know you from adam or eve, is a tool, like a secret weapon, that you use to not stick out, to be liked, fit in, or accepted wherever you are. If I’m in China, and I try to speak chinese, I try to eat chinese food, or I try to wear chinese people clothes, one may say I’m assimilating. Or, you can say I’m adapting to their culture. Adapting is something that I can do to make them feel more comfortable, letting them know that I’m a normal person, I’m human, and I can communicate and respond to communication on their level. They see me as equal. Not to mention that getting them to like me enables me to get what I need from them. So be careful when you sit there and say, you can’t be yourself, or you find yourself holding back from speaking slang around white people. When you grow up, and you interact in the professional world, there is no room for slang or immature talk. Grow up, be a grown man, speak like a professional. You wanna talk gangsta, go hang out on the block. When your in a professional, or foreign setting (by foreign, I mean something unfamilar, not necessarily another country) act accordingly, don’t call it assimilation, or being out of your element. Maybe your element isn’t mature enough to adapt. Troublman, you’re a chameleon. You’ve adapted to your situations. It’s as clear as night and day. This is a white world, but only to the extent you let it be. White people don’t run shit the way the used to in the 70’s 80’s and 90’s. I want black folk to step up and realize that stepping into a situation and speaking a certain way, or acting a little different then how you would act if you was on the block, isn’t always assimilation. It’s adaptation. Even if you was in a room of black intellectuals, you would have to switch your style up, and speak like you got a head on your shoulders. You’re not corny for that, you can still be gangsta. Just an educated gangsta. Finish the movie next time, you’ll see that most gangsta’s, given all their flaws, actually were incredibly intelligent.

• “Obama-black”

ms 39ways of trouble
Some people have a hard time letting go and moving forward. I dont know what it is, but its almost like they dont realize its other fish in the sea. I think everyone has thier breaking point and it differs depending on each individual but you must love yourself more than another. If someone wrongs you or doesn’t give you the respect you deserve, than bounce and dont look back! Dont allow yourself to be someone’s doormat or emotional punching bag based on the fact that you’ve known them since 92.

• Back Together Again

TROUBLMan
Sometime I hate it when I’m right. I’m sure many of you have had the experience of knowing something bad would happen, or knowing that I friend would make the wrong choice and you were proved right. In instances like these, I want to be wrong. I wish I was wrong about the war in Iraq, which I said would kill thousands of people, lose us our credibility in the world and fuck up our economy. I wish I was wrong about one of my close friends. We used to always tell him, “you gone be a dope fiend when you grow up.” And of course, he is. In instances like this, I wish I was wrong.

• All Wrong

Malia
You know that is soooo true. I don’t want to give up the coochie to no nigga who’s not MY NIGGA!!! But it’s so hard for real women like myself to find good men when you have OTHER chicks who will fulfill the NEED with no strings attached!!!! Then I feel like if I want a winning chance with the guy I like, I have to give in if I want to keep him happy, and of course I definitely want to keep him happy. Where does MY happiness fit into this equation? What if I give up the family jewels and he still wants to be single? Then where does that leave me?

I’m just sayin’…….

[Reply]

Crystal reply on May 27, 2008 11:07 am:

It depends on what mood I’m in and how fine he is. I will bed down without attachments. I’m used to it. Though I have always feel that men compartmentalize women anyway. The ones they sleep with without strings and the ones they work harder to get with for a relationship. So if its working for her to wait until Prince Charming comes, fine. Be Strong My Sistah. But for me I do it whenever I want. Doesn’t matter much anymore. Sure I get a bit down that I don’t have a relationship but whatev.

[Reply]

Traci reply on May 27, 2008 11:23 am:

It is a very difficult situation to deal with and that goes without saying. I have found myself in the same situation also and I am not willing to lay down with someone just because they want it but I also do not think that by laying down with them that it is going to solidify the relationship. I feel free to sleep with whom ever I choose and that may seem like I am one of the ones who are willing to give it up with no strings attached but in reality I am very selective about the one I sleep with and in most cases have already determined that he is lacking what I need to be considered boyfriend material. I love being in a monogamous relationship but until I find someone who’s faults I can live with and he can live with mine I generally will have someone to tighten me up when needed. I still say keep your high standards and re-evalutate them from time to time to make sure they are realistic and reasonable. I also think about the qualities I am willing to compromise on
and which ones are the most important to me that compromise would be impossible.

[Reply]

blaq reply on May 27, 2008 2:17 pm:

I agree but i didnt just give it up i was picky and it paid off i found amn i should say he found me .No sex was all he wanted and the fact that i wasnt the type to just go there is what he liked about me .Now i was alone a long time because i wasnt into giving it up without strings and wouldbe be a booty call but it was worth teh wait I am happy with my fiance .He toold himself that whe found the fact that i wasnt that way most appealing and it was made him him get know me

• Commanher-in-chief